No More "On My Own" [Season 11, Episode 8]No More "On My Own" [Season 11, Episode 8]
AA Grapevine's Podcast
Anne Dee from Pennsylvania talks about moving from fear-driven drinking and failed self-control to hope, service, and self-respect through AA. The hosts and Anne also respond to a newcomer’s question about self-hatred, linking relief to working the steps and doing service.
30:20•24 Aug 2026
From Fear and Fig Newtons to Self-Esteem: Anne Dee’s AA Journey
Episode Overview
- Trying to fix drinking "on my own" kept Anne stuck until she accepted help from AA and her sober mother.
- A closed meeting with childcare and welcoming women provided enough hope for Anne to return and make it her home group.
- Simple service roles like making coffee and bringing biscuits helped Anne feel valued and connected early in sobriety.
- Working the steps, especially five, eight and nine, was described as key to reducing self-loathing and building genuine self-esteem.
- The Ask It Basket segment shows how group discussion and shared experience can support newcomers with heavy questions like self-hatred.
“"When I do esteemable things, I have self-esteem. If otherwise, I don't."”
How do individuals turn their lives around after addiction? This episode of AA Grapevine’s Half Hour Variety Hour follows Anne Dee from Downingtown, Pennsylvania, as she shares how fear, failed control, and family history pushed her to a point where she could no longer manage her drinking "on my own." Anne describes starting to drink as a young teenager, becoming a daily drinker by her final year of school, and watching both parents struggle with alcoholism.
Her mum eventually got sober in AA and stayed that way for 33 years, while Anne kept trying geographic cures, intense relationships, and sheer willpower to fix her drinking. A marriage counsellor finally said, "Maybe you better think about your own drinking," a comment Anne initially labelled "so rude" but couldn’t ignore.
You’ll hear how she resisted her mother’s invitation to a Friday night closed meeting, tried to stop drinking on her own, then turned up late with her two-year-old, convinced her life was over. Instead, a group of women gently said, "We’re going to take your son upstairs to the nursery so you can have your first meeting," and gave her enough hope to come back. That meeting became her home group.
The conversation also digs into service: Anne talks about chasing the "prize" of being allowed to make coffee at 90 days and proudly bringing fig newtons, finding real value in simple jobs like setting up chairs and cleaning ashtrays.
Later, in the Ask It Basket segment, Anne, Don and Alice tackle the heavy question, "When do I stop hating myself?" They link self-loathing to uncontrolled drinking and show how working the steps, especially five, eight and nine, slowly replaces shame with self-respect.
As Don puts it, "When I do esteemable things, I have self-esteem." If you’ve ever wondered whether you’ve "earned your seat" in recovery or tried to sort this out on your own, Anne’s story might make you ask: what would happen if you let other people help?
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