Pat M. Age 30 Sober since 8/11/20

Pat M. Age 30 Sober since 8/11/20

What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol when panic, terror and suicidal thoughts are part of the daily mix? This conversation between host Mike S and guest Pat M gets right into that uncomfortable space where mental illness and addiction collide. Pat, 30, shares how panic disorder, agoraphobia and a later diagnosis of bipolar II fed into years of drinking and eight years of benzo use.

He explains what a panic attack actually feels like – “this overwhelming sense of doom… you’ve been put in a corner by your own body” – and why prescribed meds felt like a “total eject button” for his fear. You’ll hear how early attempts at sobriety were complicated by as‑needed prescriptions, intense cravings, and confusion over what counted as a relapse.

Pat tells the story of being 15 days sober, walking home from a meeting, hitting severe panic symptoms and ending up in a bar having “just two drinks” because it felt like something he “had to do”. Rather than glamorising chaos, the conversation focuses on the messy middle: multiple rehabs, exposure therapy, suicidal thinking and the fear that life will always feel unbearable.

Pat talks about imposter syndrome, feeling “terminally unique”, and how AA step work – especially his fourth and fifth steps – helped him share fears without the judgement he expected. For anyone juggling meds, diagnoses and early recovery, Pat’s practical suggestions stand out: be brutally honest about cravings, get regular at a meeting, grab a service commitment, and **never** play chemist with your medication.

As he puts it, “If my mental health isn’t right, I just don’t have a good shot of being sober. And if I’m not sober, I do not have a good shot of taking care of my mental health.” If you’ve ever wondered whether sobriety is even possible with severe anxiety or mood swings, this story might help you feel a little less alone – what might change if you got honest about both?