Scarlett B. Age 37 Sober : 8/20/17Scarlett B. Age 37 Sober : 8/20/17
Keep Coming Back: Real Stories of Sobriety & Recovery
Host Mike S talks with Scarlett B about using alcohol to cope with feeling unsafe in her own skin, the shame and control that came with her drinking, and how AA, sponsorship and the steps reshaped her life. She shares practical advice for newcomers and describes finding unexpected peace and satisfaction in a simpler sober life.
34:23•4 Feb 2022
From Toxic Shame to Simple Joy: Scarlett B on Sobriety, Control and Letting Go
Episode Overview
- Alcohol may start as a way to feel less awkward and more confident, but can grow into a pattern of shame, blackouts and emotional chaos.
- Control can show up in subtle ways, like withholding sex, shopping, or food behaviours, and these patterns often continue into early sobriety.
- AA meetings offer a rare space where a roomful of people genuinely want you to succeed, and raising your hand even when you feel awkward can be a turning point.
- Working the steps, especially step four and five, can expose patterns of victimhood and manipulation and bring a sense of relief and responsibility.
- For newcomers aiming at 90 days, showing up, getting a sponsor, and "keeping coming back" can lead to unexpected contentment and a simpler, more satisfying life.
“"You're going to become the person you never thought you could be."”
How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This conversation between host Mike S and guest Scarlett B offers a raw, funny, and very relatable look at what alcohol once did for someone who felt "awkward, uncomfortable, not safe in my own skin"—and what life looks like after putting the drink down.
At 37, with sobriety since August 2017, Scarlett talks about using alcohol as a coping mechanism to manage social anxiety, attention, and a fast New York City lifestyle. She shares how control showed up in unexpected ways, including using *not* having sex as a kind of power move to feel safe, and how that same need for control later shifted into food, shopping, Instagram, and money obsessions when alcohol was gone.
Rather than focusing only on wild drunken stories, the chat leans into the feelings underneath: toxic shame after blackouts, being "always the drunkest girl at the party", and living a life full of “lifetime misdemeanours” that were easy to excuse away.
Scarlett’s turning point came when a close friend gently asked, “Did you ever think about going to a meeting?” and she walked into a room full of “cool misfits” at Mustard Seed, raised her hand, and said, “I’m an alcoholic.” She talks through sponsorship, doing the steps twice, the shock of seeing her own patterns of victimhood and manipulation on paper, and what it’s like to make amends—especially the one that never got a response.
Her relationship with a higher power shifts from "God, help me" to "How can I be of service today?", and she describes the quiet contentment of loving a small studio flat after years of chasing "more, more, more".
For anyone in early days, Scarlett keeps it simple: keep coming back, get a sponsor, raise your hand even when you feel awkward, and remember: "You're going to become the person you never thought you could be." Could that be the nudge you’ve been waiting for?
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