Relationships and Recovery with Veronica ValliRelationships and Recovery with Veronica Valli
Katherine Arati Maas
Host Katherine talks with addiction therapist and author Veronica Valli about relationships, emotional chaos and codependency in recovery. Their conversation focuses on learning to love yourself, seek safety within, and build healthier romantic connections after getting sober.
0:00•5 Apr 2016
Relationships, Fear and Love in Sobriety with Veronica Valli
Episode Overview
- Sobriety alone is not enough; emotional unmanageability needs to be addressed or life can still feel chaotic and “alcoholic.”
- Many people in recovery mistake the search for safety for the search for love, which can keep them trapped in unhealthy relationships.
- Codependency can look like trying to fix a drinking partner or completely abandoning your own identity to become who someone else wants.
- Lasting change often starts with very small, simple actions that build self-esteem and a kinder relationship with yourself over time.
- Healthy relationships grow from standing in your truth, setting boundaries, and building connections that are positive, supportive, and safe.
“I never had relationships when I was drinking. I took hostages.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation between host Katherine and addiction therapist and author Veronica Valli dives straight into the messy, tender heart of recovery, focusing on the tricky business of relationships once the booze is gone.
Veronica shares her own history as a "recovered alcoholic and drug addict," explaining how alcohol first felt like the only way she could be "comfortable in my own skin." Sobriety, she says, revealed that her real problem was alcoholism and that, "it was an inside job, that everything that I was looking for was really inside of me." From there, she became fascinated by what drives behaviour and how feelings shape the way people live and love.
The chat tackles emotional chaos in sobriety, with Veronica’s definition of emotional unmanageability landing hard: having "no control over how you are going to feel or react at any particular time." She explains how many in recovery can be technically sober yet still living "alcoholically" because their emotional life is running the show. Relationships get the same honest treatment. Veronica talks about taking "hostages" instead of forming relationships, and how so many people aren’t actually seeking love but safety.
She highlights codependency, from trying to fix a drinking partner to becoming whoever a partner wants: "I had no identity... if you liked hamburgers, I liked hamburgers." The path forward, she suggests, is learning to stand in your own truth, say no, and build self-esteem through small, consistent actions. Throughout, the target audience is clear: women (and others) in recovery who are tired of pretending and want real talk about love, self-worth and spiritual health.
With humour, candour, and a strong emphasis on balance and inner work, this episode offers companionship more than quick fixes. It might just get you asking: is your relationship based on fear or love, and how kind are you really being to yourself?
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