RR 233: The Blessings of Porn Addiction with Beny SchonfeldRR 233: The Blessings of Porn Addiction with Beny Schonfeld
The SHAIR Recovery Podcast
Omar Pinto talks with Beny Schonfeld about his decades-long porn addiction, how recovery changed his life, and why open conversations about pornography matter for families. Their conversation touches on trauma, shame, spiritual growth and practical steps for anyone questioning their relationship with porn.
1:49:21•30 Jul 2019
From Shame to Gratitude: Beny Schonfeld on Porn Addiction, Recovery and Parenting
Episode Overview
- Porn can function like any other drug, delivering powerful hits to the brain and becoming a primary coping tool for trauma, anxiety and loneliness.
- Shame and the fear of being seen as a "sex offender" keep many people from seeking help, even when porn use is daily, secret and compulsive.
- Simple practices such as daily gratitude lists, regular meetings, calling a sponsor and brief meditations can radically shift mood, thinking and spiritual connection.
- Parents are urged to educate themselves about porn, examine their own beliefs, and talk to their children calmly and openly before the internet does it for them.
- Changing the inner story from "this happened to me" to "this happened for me" helps move from victimhood into responsibility, growth and genuine freedom.
“I did then what I knew then. I know better now, so I do better.”
Curious about how others manage their sobriety journey when sex and porn are the issue, not booze or drugs? This conversation between host Omar Pinto and guest Beny Schonfeld goes straight into territory most people avoid, with honesty, humour and zero sugar-coating.
Beny, a self-described porn addict in recovery, lays out what addiction looked like for him: years of compulsive pornography use, acting out three to six times a day, hiding everything from his therapist and family, and finally realising things were out of control the moment he phoned a prostitute and panicked enough to hang up.
That call pushed him through the doors of a sex recovery meeting he’d avoided for decades out of fear he’d be sitting next to “rapists and paedophiles” – a belief he now calls out as part of the stigma keeping people sick. He explains porn as just another substance: not swallowed, injected or smoked, but taken in through the eyes, hitting the same brain chemicals as any drug.
He links this to early sexual abuse, shame, and a teenage “safe bubble” of fantasy that nearly cost him his marriage, finances and sanity, while also admitting that without porn he might not have survived his trauma at all.
You’ll hear how simple tools like daily gratitude lists, regular meetings, calling a sponsor and short meditations helped him build a spiritual life and shift from “everything’s happening to me” to “everything’s happening for me.” He also talks practically to parents, urging them to educate themselves, drop the taboo, and talk to their kids about porn the same way they would about cigarettes or alcohol – calmly, honestly and without drama.
If porn sits silently in your story, or you’re worried about your kids’ screens, this raw, honest chat may be the nudge to ask: what meaning are you giving this, and what new story could you choose today?
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