Saying What Matters 5 | Changing the Patterns That Keep You StuckSaying What Matters 5 | Changing the Patterns That Keep You Stuck
The Millennium Counseling Center Podcast
Therapists Oren Matteson and Rahsaan Nurullah talk about why people stay stuck in repeating patterns and how nervous system "programming" from childhood can shape adult reactions. They describe practical, somatic-based approaches to creating safety, updating identity, and making meaningful personal change.
0:00•6 Jul 2026
Changing the Patterns That Keep You Stuck
Episode Overview
- Change often starts with a vague sense that something feels off, even when the exact problem isn’t clear.
- Many high-achieving people get stuck when old strategies stop working, especially around feeling alive and emotionally connected.
- The nervous system can keep using childhood "programming" to create safety, leading to outdated reactions in adult life.
- Somatic work that reconnects with the body and creates safety can help identify and update these old patterns.
- Shifting identity from past versions of yourself to a modernised, current self is key to lasting behavioural change.
“You're running the program that a five-year-old that helped them be safe when you're 35.”
What drives someone to seek a life where they’re no longer stuck in the same old patterns? This conversation between therapists Oren Matteson and Rahsaan Nurullah focuses on exactly that: why change feels so hard, even for people who are used to getting results. You’ll hear Rahsaan talk about clients who arrive saying something "just isn’t right". Many are successful, driven people who are used to controlling their world, yet suddenly find that familiar strategies no longer work.
They might say, "Things just don't feel alive" or "I'm doing the things I'm used to do to feel alive. Why don't I feel alive?" That sense of inner mismatch becomes the starting point for deeper work.
Oren shares his own ongoing lesson around patience, describing it as shifting focus from forcing outcomes in the "physical world" to asking, "What do I need to understand about this situation?" He imagines people as energetically connected and emphasises being a witness rather than pushing others to move at his preferred pace. Rahsaan breaks down how old patterns form, linking them to "programmes" laid down by the nervous system in childhood.
He gives the example of a five-year-old tantrum response still running at age 35: "You're running the programme that a five-year-old... used to be safe when you're 35." His work centres on somatic approaches: reconnecting with the body, creating safety, finding when that programming started, and "installing new programming" that fits who someone is now or wants to become.
There’s also a helpful reminder that "everybody has their own life experience" and you’re the lead actor in your own story but a background character in someone else’s. If you’ve ever wondered why you repeat the same reactions in relationships, stress, or daily annoyances, this episode offers a clear, relatable way to think about change. Could updating your "internal software" be the next step in your recovery or mental health journey?
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