Saying What Matters 2 | Growing Up Without Praise

Saying What Matters 2 | Growing Up Without Praise

How do people find hope in the darkest times? This conversation between Oren Matteson and Rahsaad Nurullah offers a raw look at how a childhood without praise can echo through adulthood. Rahsaad speaks candidly about growing up with a father who "talks at you instead of having a conversation" and how that dynamic trained him to stay quiet just to make painful exchanges end sooner.

He explains how becoming excellent at listening and "holding space" for others was, in part, a way to avoid being seen himself. One of the most striking moments comes when Rahsaad says, "I cannot recall a time that he said he was proud of me. Like, full stop in my entire life." Even after Ivy League acceptance and major achievements, he only heard criticism.

A painful story about his dad telling a near-stranger, "I'm so proud of you," while never saying those words to his own son, shows just how deep that wound goes. The conversation also touches on emotional eating, body image, and how internalising a parent's harsh views can lead to years of shame and self-sabotage.

Rahsaad connects his weight changes to feeling blamed for his parents' divorce, turning food and his body into a way of confirming he wasn’t worthy of love. As an adult, he describes becoming an overachiever and "drowning" himself in work to chase validation he never got at home. Eventually, the constant criticism led him to cut contact with his father for more than a decade.

When illness pulled his father back into his life, Rahsaad faced a brutal test of his chosen "word of the year": compassion. This episode will resonate with anyone from high-functioning overachievers to people in recovery from shame, family trauma, or emotionally distant parenting. It asks a simple but important question: what happens when you finally decide to praise yourself instead of waiting for someone else to say they're proud of you?