Saying What Matters 8 | Listening to Understand, Not to RespondSaying What Matters 8 | Listening to Understand, Not to Respond
The Millennium Counseling Center Podcast
Oren Matteson and Rahsaan Nurullah talk about men, relationships and emotional safety, with a focus on learning to listen to understand rather than to respond. The conversation highlights how old models of masculinity affect communication and how practising better listening can open up possibility and connection.
16:27•4 Aug 2026
Listening to Understand: Men, Ego and Emotional Safety
Episode Overview
- Listening to understand rather than planning a response can dramatically reduce conflict and increase connection.
- Old models of "man up" masculinity often keep men stuck in pain and emotional isolation.
- Couples therapy helped reveal that partners may want the same things but constantly talk past each other.
- Recognising a partner as a whole person with their own full life and struggles creates space for mutual care.
- Change is constant, and resisting emotional growth often leads to blame instead of accountability.
“Most people, when somebody else is talking, they already start thinking about what they're going to say… You actually don't even know what the other person is talking about.”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? This conversation between Oren Matteson and Rahsaan Nurullah zeroes in on men, emotional safety, and how actually being heard can change everything in relationships. The focus is on a simple but challenging shift: listening to understand, not to respond.
Rahsaan admits he once thought he was a brilliant communicator, until couples therapy showed him he was great at saying what he thought others could hear, but much less skilled at sharing his real needs or truly receiving what his partner said. As he puts it, he and his partner "wanted the same shit" but were constantly talking past each other.
You’ll hear them unpack the old model many men inherit: "I don't complain, man up, I do what needs to be done"—even if they’re tired, sad or hurting. They look at how that programming gets passed down from fathers and culture, leaving men disconnected, angry, or stuck in roles where showing emotion feels like failure.
Oren raises the tough question of how someone separates the childhood image of a parent as a hero from the adult reality that demands new skills. Rahsaan talks about the pressure on men today to be more involved at home, more emotionally available, vulnerable and sensitive, and how resisting change often leads to blaming women or society rather than taking responsibility.
He argues that change is constant, and that refusing to evolve just keeps men stuck in pain that has no real value. The heart of the episode is practical: pause, listen fully, and give your partner agency as a whole person with their own day, stress and needs. When both people feel heard, what emerges is "possibility"—space for tenderness, small acts of care, and a sense of being on the same team.
If you’ve ever realised you’re only hearing half the story in your relationships, this one might hit close to home and nudge you towards listening in a new way.
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