Someone Saved Me… Now It’s My TurnSomeone Saved Me… Now It’s My Turn
I Love Being Sober
Therapist Ken Wells shares his journey from a traumatic, shame-filled past to decades of sobriety, explaining how he transformed rage into compassion and self-worth. The conversation focuses on shame, intimacy, childhood wounds, and practical tools for staying the course in recovery.
1:04:05•16 Dec 2025
Turning Rage into Compassion: Ken Wells on Shame, Trauma and Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Shame becomes destructive when it defines who you are, rather than pointing to behaviour that can change.
- Returning shame to its source and grieving unmet childhood needs can reduce rage and open space for compassion.
- Long-term recovery relies on repetition, affirmations, and acting on a "wise mind" even when emotions resist.
- Unmet childhood needs often reappear in adult relationships, making self-awareness and boundaries essential.
- Staying the course, even with a poor attitude, can still lead to meaningful healing and growth over time.
“Who I am is an unrepeatable miracle of the universe. That’s me. That’s you. That’s everyone here.”
Get ready to be moved by real-life accounts of recovery, rage, and radical self-acceptance. In this conversation, therapist Ken Wells sits down with host Tim Westbrook to talk through a lifetime of complex trauma, sex addiction, depression, and 35 years of sobriety — all with a surprising mix of honesty, humour, and warmth. Ken shares harrowing memories from a cult-like upbringing, sexual and physical abuse, and a clinical depression so severe he tried to provoke others into killing him.
He describes beating his bible in a padded room until his knuckles bled and realising, "If God would be okay if I beat this Bible up, maybe I could figure this out." From there, he committed to getting healthy, starting 12-step work, and facing his shame head-on. You’ll hear how he "stalks shame" by literally returning it to the places it began — churches, childhood homes, baseball fields — and how he turned devastating rage into compassion.
Ken explains why he sees every person as "an unrepeatable miracle of the universe" and how separating shame from identity ("I do crappy things" vs "I am a piece of crap") became central to his healing. The episode also digs into intimacy issues, childhood neglect, and codependency. Ken breaks down how unmet childhood needs often show up in adult relationships and why grieving "what should have been, could have been, and never was" is crucial.
He stresses the power of staying the course in recovery, daily self-forgiveness, and building spiritual and emotional "muscle" through repetition and affirmations. If you’re carrying deep shame, battling addiction, or struggling to like yourself, this candid conversation may feel uncomfortably close to home — and that’s the point. Are you ready to start giving shame back to where it came from and reclaim who you really are?
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