Steps 4-5 with Helen and Darrell
Steps 4-5 with Helen and Darrell

Recovery Radio Network

Ray, Helen and Daryl share their AA and Al-Anon experiences of Steps Four and Five, focusing on resentments, fear, relationships and spiritual growth. The conversation highlights how prayerful inventory and honest Fifth Step sharing can turn anger and shame into grace and relief.

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45:42•10 Jun 2026

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Facing Steps Four and Five: Grace, Fear and Freedom with Ray, Helen and Daryl

Episode Overview

Step Four inventory is framed as prayerful writing that reveals new, uncomfortable truth rather than a dry mental exercise.
Listing resentments, fears and sex conduct, then examining the seven parts of self, helps uncover patterns that block a relationship with a higher power.
Helen shows how Big Book work can help Al-Anon members move from anger and expectations towards compassion and grace for themselves and others.
Daryl contrasts a shallow first attempt at the steps with later, line‑by‑line guidance from a sponsor, which brings genuine spiritual change.
All three emphasise that Fourth and Fifth Steps are meant to bring relief and connection, not shame, and can be repeated as life continues to unfold.

“If I'm not doing inventory prayerfully, my experience is that I'm just going to see stuff I've always seen and known.”

Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This panel-style episode from Recovery Radio Network brings together Ray, Helen G and Daryl M to talk honestly about Steps Four and Five, making it especially useful if you're stuck, scared or simply procrastinating over written inventory. Ray shares his Alcoholics Anonymous experience with a very practical, line‑by‑line approach to the Big Book.

He breaks Step Four down into simple actions: praying before writing, listing resentments, asking “why?”, and looking at the seven parts of self affected. He explains that without prayer, inventory becomes “just a mental exercise that really is not going to get me free of the things that block me from God.” He also talks about fear and sex conduct, and how shifting from self‑reliance to “God reliance” changes his behaviour in relationships.

Through working Step Four from the Big Book perspective, she comes to see her own dishonesty and unrealistic expectations of “a sick man to be well.” Her sponsor’s focus on fear and “God reliance” leads Helen to an idea that guides her life now: “I think that God would have me be a woman of grace.” Daryl talks about early sobriety, sponsorship mishaps and eventually finding structured Big Book guidance through talks by Mark Houston and Jill Hawk, then connecting with sponsor Gary B.

Helen brings the Al‑Anon side, mixing humour and raw honesty. She describes growing up with an alcoholic father in rural Montana and how much anger she carried into adulthood. He explains how real step work gave him a spiritual experience, shifted his understanding of inventory from punishment to relief, and made Fifth Step work a privilege rather than a chore.

If Step Four or Five still feels terrifying, this episode might help you see them as a path to freedom rather than a test you can fail. What would change for you if inventory was about grace instead of shame?

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