Steven Y. Age 34 Sober since: 12/16/14Steven Y. Age 34 Sober since: 12/16/14
Keep Coming Back: Real Stories of Sobriety & Recovery
"I had one roommate who was brutally honest with me. He told me "you smell terrible. You smell like the homeless guy on the train that everyone moves away from" The first episode of 2020 discussed the recent Op-ed in the NYT entitled "The Patriarchy of Alcoholics Anonymous" and then discusses Steven's journey, including his views on why Asian-culture seems to be underrepresented in 12-step recovery.
52:49•2 Jan 2020
From Weed, Wine and Shame to Sobriety: Steven Y on AA, Asian Culture and Starting Over
Episode Overview
- AA’s text may feel dated and sexist, but Mike describes the steps as suggestions and says meetings exist to help anyone who wants to stop drinking.
- Steven links underrepresentation of Asian people in AA to cultural stigma, silence around feelings and mental illness, and limited AA presence in Asia.
- Honest feedback from friends and roommates, including comments about how he smelled and looked, helped break Steven’s denial about his drinking.
- Fearing withdrawal, Steven chose to go to an AA meeting instead of hospital and found immediate support, a sponsor and a young sober community.
- Both Steven and Mike describe addiction often shifting to work, money, food, sex or vaping, and say meditation, connection and service help fill that gap more constructively.
“I relate to that sentiment when people say sometimes in the rooms, they say, you were sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? This conversation with Steven Y., sober since December 2014, gives a raw, funny and honest look at that turning point and everything that followed. Hosted by Mike S., the episode starts with a chat about Holly Whitaker’s New York Times piece, “The Patriarchy of Alcoholics Anonymous”.
Mike shares his own experience of thousands of meetings, pushing back on the idea that AA demands blind obedience, and stressing that the steps are treated as suggestions, not rules. He talks about AA’s dated language, how most people simply treat it as a product of its time, and how, in his experience, meetings exist to help “anyone with a desire to stop drinking.” Then the focus shifts to Steven’s story.
Raised by Chinese parents in the US, he talks about how addiction is viewed in Asian cultures, the lack of open discussion about feelings, and why he thinks Asian people are underrepresented in AA. He recalls a grandfather who drank quietly and secretly, and how his parents’ awareness of that helped them understand his own alcoholism.
Steven walks through his progression from weed and alcohol to lonely, joyless using, longboarding highs turning into paranoid isolation, and the slow grind of waking up, getting high, passing out, and hating himself. A brutally honest roommate telling him, “you smell like the homeless guy on the train that everyone moves away from” shattered his illusion that he was hiding it well.
He talks about an intervention from friends, the fear of withdrawal, googling what to do, and choosing an AA meeting over the hospital. From bursting into tears at his first meeting to finding a sponsor that same night, he describes being carried by a young sober community, milkshakes and gummy bears included.
Later on, Steven and Mike swap stories about addiction shifting to work, money, food, dating and vaping, the “hamster wheel” of chasing the next feeling, and how meditation, service, and connection help fill the gaps. Steven’s experience might leave you asking: what would your life look like if you didn’t need to escape it all the time?
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