That's Me! That's Me! episode 34 with Scott EThat's Me! That's Me! episode 34 with Scott E
Recovery Radio Network
Scott E reflects on decades of denial, brief stints in treatment, relapse, and the moment he finally connected with AA for himself. Monica and Julia weave in everyday life, grief and humour as they talk with him about meetings, spirituality and learning to let go.
54:11•2 Oct 2026
From Contracts and Control to Letting Go: Scott E’s Long Road Back to AA
Episode Overview
- Long-term success in recovery is closely linked to going to many AA meetings each week.
- Trying to control drinking with rules, contracts or self-will tends to fail over time.
- Hearing shared feelings, rather than just drinking stories, can create the "that's me" moment in AA.
- Letting go of deeply held character defects is necessary for peace, even when they once felt protective.
- Spiritual growth in AA is about trusting something bigger than yourself instead of clinging to old ways.
“"You can see the claw marks in these character defects for me. You know, I want to hold these things. I want to put them back on."”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This episode of Recovery Radio Network’s "That’s Me! That’s Me!" follows Scott E as he talks about what finally brought him back to Alcoholics Anonymous for himself, rather than just to keep others off his back.
Monica Kay and Julia Jay keep things chatty and grounded, opening with life updates—from conferences at Clifty Falls and the history of Cincinnati’s Oak Street clubhouse, to grief around overdose and suicide in their families. That everyday mix of heavy and light sets the tone: this is about real life, not just drinking.
Scott E shares a long history of denial, starting with employer-ordered rehab in his twenties, where he learned "only to hide my use" and went straight from treatment back to a bar. For decades he used jobs, running marathons, law school, marriage and even written "drinking contracts" with strict rules to prove he didn’t have a problem.
Alcohol, he says, was his "medication, my lover, my confidant, my everything." The turning point comes much later, after a relapse that begins with a so-called non-alcoholic beer and ends with him drinking vodka out of the bottle in his garage. Caught by his youngest daughter, he’s pushed back to AA and ends up sitting in his car outside the High Noon group, ready to drive away—until a friend knocks on the window and asks if he’s coming in.
Inside, Scott stops trying to prove he’s different and starts hearing about "the insanity of the first drink" and the shared feelings underneath other people’s stories. A counsellor shows him you can be happy and sober, and a sponsor introduces the idea of peace. Scott now talks about character defects with "claw marks" in them, and how regular meetings and a spiritual shift—letting go instead of clinging—help him face business crises and anxiety without picking up a drink.
If you’ve ever wondered whether AA can still offer something after years of half-hearted attempts, this honest conversation might prompt you to ask: what would letting go look like for you?
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