The Power of Substitution in Recovery: Gary’s Experiment Part 1The Power of Substitution in Recovery: Gary’s Experiment Part 1
The 12th Step Podcast
Gary shares a Lent-inspired experiment where he gives up a familiar distraction and replaces it with something constructive, linking this to core 12-Step principles. With Mike and Daniel, he reflects on sacrifice, the three circles tool and how substitution continues to shape long-term sex addiction recovery.
30:49•20 Mar 2026
Choosing Something Better: Gary’s Lent Experiment and Substitution in Recovery
Episode Overview
- Addiction often provides a perceived payoff, so stopping it can feel like a real sacrifice rather than simply dropping a bad habit.
- Recovery works best when giving something up is voluntary, not forced, or it easily breeds resentment.
- Substitution is essential: removing a harmful behaviour means consciously putting something different and healthier in its place.
- Tools like the three circles help distinguish between acting-out behaviours, warning-zone behaviours and genuinely healthy activities.
- Even after years of clean time, it helps to watch for new crutches such as food, shopping or hobbies becoming compulsive.
“What you’re doing is you’re giving this up for something better. You’re choosing something better.”
Curious about how others manage their sobriety journey? This conversation on The 12th Step Podcast brings Gary, Mike and Daniel back in the same room, swapping jokes about travel schedules before jumping into some pretty honest recovery chat. Gary shares what he calls a “little experiment” tied to the Easter/Lent season: giving something up and consciously replacing it with something constructive.
He’s clear he’s not an expert on Lent, but he’s fascinated by how this practice lines up with his sex addiction recovery. Early on, he struggled to admit that his addiction “gave [him] something” – comfort, escape, numbing – and that stopping meant a genuine sacrifice, not just dropping a bad habit. One of the standout moments comes when Gary realises, “What you’re doing is you’re giving this up for something better.
You’re choosing something better.” That shift from feeling like something is being taken away to recognising a voluntary trade changes how he sees recovery. The group ties this idea straight into the 12 Steps, especially Step 11 and their shared faith backgrounds, noting how religious practice and recovery work tend to weave back together over time. They also revisit the “three circles” tool: inner circle acting-out behaviours, middle-circle warning signs and outer-circle healthy activities.
The chat gets practical and even a bit funny as they talk about peanut M&Ms, ice cream, Amazon shopping and board games as “replacement” behaviours that can quietly become new crutches.
Rather than pretending everything is neatly fixed, they talk as long-time addicts with years of clean time who still spot compulsions and keep asking, “Is this good, or is there something better?” It’s a grounded, relatable look at substitution in recovery that might nudge you to ask: what are you ready to give up, and what could you put in its place instead?
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