The Roles We Play: Finding Your Way Back to God’s Design
The Roles We Play: Finding Your Way Back to God’s Design

Finding Hope

Amy LaRue and Darcy Stephens talk through six common family roles that emerge around addiction and how these patterns affect everyone involved. They gently point people back to their God-given identity and invite reflection on letting go of unhealthy roles.

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25:11•16 Apr 2026

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The Roles We Play in Addiction and Finding Our Way Back to God’s Design

Episode Overview

Family members often slip into roles like addict, scapegoat, hero, enabler, mascot or lost child as a way to survive addiction-related chaos.
These roles may offer short-term coping but eventually become unhealthy for both the person in addiction and their loved ones.
Shifting language from labels such as “enabler” to God-given roles like mum, dad, wife or friend helps reset identity and boundaries.
Children of those who struggle with substances need space to “just be a kid” instead of carrying adult responsibilities.
Faith is presented as central, with God as the true hero and saviour, rather than any family member trying to fix or rescue everyone.

“Remember who God created you to be and the role that he gave you, not the labels that we try to pick up.”

Curious about how others cope with the chaos addiction brings into a family? This conversation with host Amy LaRue and guest Darcy Stephens looks at the hidden roles people slip into when a loved one is stuck in substance use. Instead of focusing on labels like mum, dad or sibling, they walk through six survival roles: the addict (or “focal point of the family”), the scapegoat, the family hero, the enabler, the mascot and the lost child.

Instead of saying “I’m an enabler”, they suggest shifting to “I’m a mum” or “I’m a wife” and asking, “What does that truly mean in God’s design?” There’s a gentle thread of faith throughout, as they keep bringing it back to the idea that God is the real hero: “We have a Saviour that died on the cross for us… I can’t be my husband’s saviour.” They encourage parents to let kids “just be a kid” rather than carry adult responsibilities, and they offer grace for anyone now realising they may have a “lost child” or a scapegoat in the family.

You’ll hear real-life examples from their own families as they talk honestly about lying, manipulation, perfectionism, people-pleasing, humour-as-a-shield and quiet withdrawal — and how all of that often masks deep shame, fear and hurt. Amy and Darcy are careful not to turn these roles into permanent tags. They stress that these patterns usually start as ways to survive “the chaos, pain, and uncertainty that addiction brings into a family”, but over time they become unhealthy for everyone.

By the end, you’re invited to a simple but challenging exercise: identify which role you’ve picked up, notice how it makes you feel, and start moving back toward who God created you to be. So which role have you been playing, and is it time to lay that script down?

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