The Tao – Step 9The Tao – Step 9
Tao of Our understanding Alcohol Recovery Podcast
A group of people in Twelve Step recovery talk about Step 9 through Taoist teachings, sharing personal stories about making amends, living differently, and letting go of outcomes. The conversation focuses on practical ways to repair harm, manage resentments and practise honesty in alcohol recovery.
53:56•25 May 2026
Mending Relationships: Step 9 Through the Tao Te Ching
Episode Overview
- Amends are about mending relationships through new behaviour, not just saying sorry.
- Starting an amend with honest appreciation can soften fear and set a respectful tone.
- Living amends – staying sober, being present and kind – often matter more than a single conversation.
- Indirect amends, such as prayer or changed conduct, are vital when direct contact isn’t possible or safe.
- Honesty and willingness to accept consequences are key to staying sober through difficult Step 9 situations.
“Though the Tao of Heaven has no favourites, it always sides with one who has a pure heart.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation brings together Buddy C with Kate, Libby, Lou and Oscar to talk about Step 9 of the Twelve Steps through the lens of the Tao Te Ching, blending spiritual reflection with very practical stories about making amends. Right from the start, the group is clear that an amend isn’t just an apology.
As Buddy puts it, it’s about “mending the relationship” rather than declaring, yet again, that you’re “a worthless piece of crap”. They talk through what a direct amend actually looks like: writing out what you’re going to say, starting with genuine gratitude, and focusing only on your own part in the harm, not what the other person did.
Oscar brings in Jonathan Star’s translation of Verse 79: “Though the Tao of Heaven has no favourites, it always sides with one who has a pure heart,” tying it to the long “period of reconstruction” described in the Big Book. His story of slowly rebuilding trust with his daughters shows how living amends – turning up, staying clean, being kind – can matter more than any single conversation.
Lou and Kate share very different examples: one about a resentful business relationship turned into a quiet “touchstone” for better behaviour, the other about a terrifying legal case and immigration process that demanded radical honesty. Libby keeps looping the group back to Taoist ideas of letting go of outcomes: once the “dice leaves the hand”, the result isn’t yours.
Indirect amends also get plenty of attention – praying for people you’ve harmed or resent, changing how you drive instead of trying to track down everyone you once raged at in traffic, or reading letters aloud to someone who’s died. If you’re wrestling with Step 9, wondering who to approach, how to do it, or whether you’ll ever be forgiven, this episode offers plenty of calm, grounded experience. Which relationship in your life might be ready for mending next?
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