The Tao – Step 8The Tao – Step 8
Tao of Our understanding Alcohol Recovery Podcast
A group of recovering alcoholics discusses Step 8, sharing how they make harms lists, grow willingness and use Taoist ideas to guide amends. The conversation mixes personal stories, sponsorship experience and Tao Te Ching verses to shed light on mending relationships in sobriety.
37:02•18 May 2026
The Tao and Step 8: Getting Honest About Willingness and Amends
Episode Overview
- Step 8 has two parts: making a thorough list of all people harmed and cultivating willingness to make amends to all of them, not just a select few.
- Sponsors can help distinguish between real harms and imagined ones, preventing unnecessary self-punishment while still addressing genuine damage.
- Taoist teachings, such as waiting for the mud to settle and allowing right action to arise, support a patient, timing-sensitive approach to amends.
- Some people use multiple lists (now, later, never) to start where they can and let willingness grow through experience with early amends.
- The focus of an amend is on mending relationships and correcting one’s own behaviour, rather than seeking a specific response or blame from others.
“The purpose of an apology is to say, I'm sorry for my behavior. I think more of the purpose of an amend is how can we mend this relationship.”
Curious about how others handle the tricky work of Step 8? This conversation from the Tao of Our Understanding Alcohol Recovery Podcast brings together Buddy C with Kate, Brian, Drew, Lou and Oscar to talk honestly about making a list of those they’ve harmed and becoming willing to make amends. The tone is warm, conversational and occasionally cheeky, but the subject matter cuts right to the heart of recovery.
Buddy shares how he focuses first on simply making the list—“these are the persons that we think we have harmed, whether real or imagined”—and how a sponsor can help filter out imagined harms. The group also talks about the often-overlooked second half of Step 8: becoming willing to make amends to *all* of them, not just the easy ones. You’ll hear how Taoist ideas support this process.
Verses from Stephen Mitchell’s Tao Te Ching translation (including 15, 36, 64, 71 and 79) are used to frame themes like patience, ripeness and letting the “right action arise by itself.” Kate links Step 8 to the question, “Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?” while Lou connects it to the danger of rushing into action.
Oscar shares a practical three-list method—people you can amend to now, maybe later, and “never”—showing how willingness can grow over time. There’s also raw honesty: Brian talks about long-standing family estrangements and fear around approaching loved ones, while Drew explains how practising Step 8 and 9 has changed how he owns mistakes at work.
The group keeps coming back to one core shift: moving from blame and victimhood towards seeing their own part and becoming ready to mend relationships rather than just say “sorry”. If you’re wrestling with who belongs on your list—or whether you’re truly willing—this episode offers relatable stories, spiritual reflections and some gentle humour to keep the work from feeling so heavy. Whose name might you be ready to write down next?
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