Topic: Learning to Rely on WomenTopic: Learning to Rely on Women
Sober Cast: An (unofficial) Alcoholics Anonymous Podcast AA
Pat B shares how childhood trauma, sexism and alcohol shaped her mistrust of women and herself, and how sobriety, therapy and women’s AA meetings changed that. Her story highlights the shift from relying on men for validation to finding strength, identity and connection among women in recovery.
41:23•31 May 2026
Learning to Rely on Women: Pat B’s Journey from Mistrust to Sisterhood
Episode Overview
- Early family dynamics and sexism taught Pat that women were less important, shaping deep mistrust and contempt for women, including herself.
- Alcohol became linked with popularity and acceptance, masking trauma from incest, rape and chronic low self-worth.
- AA initially centred around men for Pat, but women’s meetings and sponsorship helped her see that many women shared her experiences.
- Recognising patterns of unhealthy relationships with men, she sought help, read recovery literature and worked with a female therapist to address underlying issues.
- As her self-esteem grew, Pat began to value women, embrace her own femininity and find strength and connection in women’s recovery communities.
“To deny my femininity, to deny my being a woman, was to deny my very self. It was to deny my soul.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? Here, the focus falls on Pat B from Umatilla, Florida, sharing at a women’s recovery workshop in 1990 on the theme of “learning to rely on women” – a topic she admits she wanted to avoid at first.
Pat jokes that she dismissed the idea because, as she puts it bluntly, “I didn’t like women, so there was no point in me talking about relying on women.” Across this raw, story-driven talk, you’ll hear how early family roles, sexism, and childhood trauma shaped Pat’s beliefs about herself and other women.
She describes growing up in a home where “I learned real fast what it was like to be a woman… the women cleaned up,” while the men drank, talked and played chess. Her story moves through incest and rape, people-pleasing, overachieving, and using alcohol and relationships with men to feel valued and important. Sobercast keeps things simple: this is a straight speaker meeting, not a chatty panel or analysis session.
Pat speaks in the familiar AA format – what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now – with plenty of humour alongside the heavy stuff. She talks about reading *Women Who Love Too Much*, swearing off men, and realising that her “big problem with men” and deep-seated shame about being female were as dangerous to her sobriety as the bottle.
The heart of this talk is transformation in recovery: “I’ve chosen now to be a part of the female species… to deny my being a woman was to deny my very self.” It’s aimed squarely at women in AA – especially those with trauma, complicated relationships with men, or a long-standing mistrust of other women – but anyone curious about how gender, self-esteem and sobriety intersect will recognise parts of themselves in her story.
If you’ve ever felt you didn’t fit with other women, could this be the voice you’ve been waiting to hear?
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