Tough Love Would Have Killed Me | Erin Khar on Parenting in RecoveryTough Love Would Have Killed Me | Erin Khar on Parenting in Recovery
Really Good Shares
Erin Carr and A.J. Daulerio talk about parenting while in recovery, from addiction and suicide attempts to building trust and safety with their kids. The conversation focuses on honest communication, boundaries, and why tough love can be harmful for families living with addiction and mental health challenges.
1:01:55•2 Sept 2026
Parenting With a Past: Erin Carr on Recovery, Kids and Honest Conversations
Episode Overview
- Parents in recovery can’t guarantee their kids won’t struggle, but they can model honest, imperfect behaviour and admit mistakes.
- Tough love and cutting people off can be dangerous; maintaining love while setting boundaries may help keep someone alive.
- Sharing age-appropriate stories from a parent’s own past can build trust and make it easier for children to talk about hard topics.
- Projecting one’s own history of addiction or depression onto a child can harm the relationship; each child’s experience is different.
- Creating a home where kids feel like a parent is a safe, non-judgemental place to go can reduce shame and secrecy around mental health and substance use.
“There’s nothing more powerful than being honest about what you’ve done, who you are, and where you’re at.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation on Really Good Shares zooms in on one of the messiest parts of recovery life: raising kids while carrying a history of addiction, depression, and self‑destruction. Writer and advocate Erin Carr sits down with host A.J. Daulerio to talk about parenting in recovery, and she doesn’t hold back.
From school asking her fourth‑grader to sign a contract promising not to distribute sex tapes, to a household overtaken by baseball card "dopamine" binges, you’ll hear how everyday family chaos collides with addiction patterns and anxiety. Erin shares her own past – heroin use starting at 13, suicide attempts as a child, and years of hiding everything behind a carefully constructed persona.
She contrasts that history with the way she now parents: "There’s nothing more powerful than being honest about what you’ve done, who you are, and where you’re at." Tough love, she says, "would have killed" her, and she explains why withholding love from someone who’s sick can be devastating, while boundaries and support can keep people alive. A big part of the chat centres on talking to kids about hard stuff: drugs, sex, depression, and suicide.
Erin describes how her sons have googled her, how she’d rather they hear the difficult truths directly from her, and how sharing her own experiences at their age helps build trust without forcing them to confess anything. For parents in recovery, this episode offers something both practical and comforting: you can’t prevent your child from ever being a "fuck up", but you can model honesty, apologise for past harm, and stay a safe, non‑judgemental place for them to land.
If you’re wondering how to parent with a past, could this be the conversation you’ve been needing to hear?
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