What We Got Wrong About Addiction | With Asher Gottesman
What We Got Wrong About Addiction | With Asher Gottesman

BrainStorm with Sony Perlman

Sony Perlman and Rabbi Asher Gottesman talk candidly about wounded helpers, trauma, faith and why connection is central to recovery. Their conversation questions traditional treatment approaches while stressing that everyone may already carry the tools they need to heal.

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1:19:50•3 May 2026

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Wounded Helpers, Hidden Tools and What We Got Wrong About Addiction

Episode Overview

Many of the most effective helpers in addiction and mental health are “wounded helpers” who draw on their own ongoing struggles to offer genuine empathy and non-judgmental support.
A core task of any helper is to create safety and connection so that people feel seen, heard and believed in, rather than being told what to do.
Asher argues that every person already has the internal tools needed to heal, but negative self-talk, old messages and trauma can drown out those resources.
Deep trauma work has its limits; often it is enough to recognise where patterns began and then focus on ‘now what?’ while being held by a strong, loving community.
Time, consistency and real relationships are more important than short, highly structured programmes when it comes to sustainable recovery.

“Every single human being is created with the tools necessary to heal themselves.”

What remarkable journeys have people faced head-on against addiction? This conversation between Sony Perlman and Rabbi Asher Gottesman leans right into that question with warmth, humour and a lot of honesty about where the recovery field has gone wrong – and what still gives them hope. Sony and Asher chat like old friends who’ve seen a lot of brokenness and a lot of healing.

Asher talks about being a “wounded helper”, explaining that many of the best carers are themselves in recovery: they’ve got their own trauma, addiction histories and ongoing struggles, which means they can meet people “with a lack of judgment, understanding, and safety.” The catch? Those helpers have to keep doing their own work so they don’t dump their stuff onto the people they’re trying to support.

You’ll hear them pick apart the idea that therapists and rabbis should have all the answers. Instead, Asher insists, “Every single human being is created with the tools necessary to heal themselves,” and the helper’s job is to create safety, connection and belief until the person can see that for themselves. They talk about simple-but-hard basics like not using, calling someone before acting out, and the difference between oversharing and healthy use of one’s own story.

The episode also takes on bigger industry questions: 30-day treatment models, the importance of time and community, and how love and consistency often matter more than fancy clinical language. They even get into faith, religious trauma and how a distorted image of God can mirror old wounds from parents or authority figures.

There’s plenty of lightness too – from a codependency doll that says “I’m sorry” when thrown at a wall, to Sony openly asking the rooftop question: what would you shout to the world if everyone could hear? If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re too “broken” to help others or too far gone to change, this conversation might have you asking a different question: what if you’ve had the tools all along?

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