Why Do I Keep Apologizing for Needing Help?

Why Do I Keep Apologizing for Needing Help?

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This conversation between Matt and Steve on the Sober Friends podcast digs into a surprisingly common struggle: constantly saying sorry for needing help. You’ll hear Matt compare recovery tools to "peak Craftsman" gear – solid, shiny, locking into place perfectly – yet he still reaches for a butter knife instead.

It’s his way of laughing at how hard it can be to use the support that’s right in front of you. From there, the chat moves into why asking for help feels so uncomfortable, especially for people who’ve prided themselves on coping alone. Steve shares about his wife’s health issues and their dog’s messes at home, showing how pride and a fear of embarrassment can block someone from reaching out, even when they physically can’t manage.

He connects that to sobriety, saying their programme "specifically tells us, in order to be successful in our program, we need to ask for help," yet he still wrestles with the word "now" when he wants help on his terms. The episode also looks at people pleasing, the craving to be liked, and the reassurance cycle: struggling, apologising, getting comfort, feeling better for a moment, then starting the whole thing again because the deeper belief hasn’t shifted.

Matt challenges that, suggesting you pause before saying sorry and ask yourself, "Did I do something wrong? Am I afraid of what this person thinks of me?" Along the way, you’ll hear honest stories about milestones in sobriety, escape fantasies, anxiety about children leaving for university, grief for lost parents, and the simple power of someone just validating a feeling instead of jumping straight to solutions.

If you ever worry you’re a burden for needing support, this episode might help you see that asking for help isn’t weakness – it’s part of how people stay sober and sane. What would change for you if you stopped apologising and simply asked?