Why You Should Say the Thing You’re Afraid to Say | Leslie JohnWhy You Should Say the Thing You’re Afraid to Say | Leslie John
The One You Feed
Eric Zimmer and Leslie John talk about why people often hold back from sharing what really matters and what that silence may cost. Their discussion looks at how careful openness can build trust, deepen relationships, and support personal growth.
58:57•21 Aug 2026
Why Saying the Hard Thing Can Build Trust and Change Your Life
Episode Overview
- Regularly noticing what you think but don't say can reveal how often you default to silence.
- Staying quiet about important parts of your identity or experience can drain mental energy and lower performance.
- Thoughtful self-disclosure often increases trust, strengthens relationships, and helps others feel closer to you.
- When deciding whether to speak up, consider both the risks of revealing and the costs of staying quiet.
- Putting feelings into words, even privately, can reduce stress and make difficult emotions more manageable.
“The real problem is not oversharing. It's actually undersharing.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction and then turned that honesty into a superpower? This conversation between host Eric Zimmer and Harvard Business School professor Leslie John looks at why saying the thing you're afraid to say can change relationships, careers, and even your sense of self. Leslie shares how she started keeping "disclosure audits" – little tallies of what she thought but didn't say, versus what she actually voiced.
Before lunch, she noticed four moments of holding back and only two of speaking up, such as hiding anxiety about a big presentation behind a cheerful "I'm great." That simple exercise showed her "just how often I'm holding back" without realising it. Eric brings his own story into the mix, describing how being open about his past as "a homeless heroin addict" helped him build trust and a successful career.
He noticed that "me being a little bit more revealing than the average people around me made me good at my job" and helped colleagues and clients feel closer to him. Leslie explains that we often over-focus on the risks of opening up and ignore the hidden costs of staying quiet, like rumination, passive aggression, and missed chances for connection.
She points to research showing that withholding secrets can temporarily lower IQ, while sharing – even simple trivia like your favourite ice cream flavour – lights up the brain’s pleasure centres.
You’ll hear practical ideas for handling disclosure decisions: asking "what’s my goal in saying this?", weighing the risks of both speaking and staying silent, and practising small acts of openness to build the skill of "revealing wisely." Eric and Leslie also touch on validation, constructive feedback, and how putting feelings into words can calm anxiety – whether it’s about a conflict at work or a giant tarantula.
If you’ve ever bitten your tongue and wondered what it cost you, this conversation might nudge you to ask: what’s one thing I’m holding back that’s worth saying today?
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