040: Decision Paralysis & Fear of Choosing Wrong040: Decision Paralysis & Fear of Choosing Wrong
The Shift Show
Andrea McTague and Kai Ongaro talk about decision paralysis, linking it to identity, perfectionism and social pressures on younger generations. They discuss how limiting beliefs, parenting styles and social media shape fear of choosing wrong, and why treating choices as experiments can help.
20:48•9 Jun 2026
Why Every Choice Feels So High-Stakes: Decision Paralysis, Perfectionism and Identity
Episode Overview
- Decision paralysis is often driven by identity-based beliefs such as "I'm a failure" or "I'm incapable," which turn everyday choices into high-stakes tests.
- Perfectionism and the demand for certainty keep people stuck in research loops, procrastination and fear of commitment in school, work and relationships.
- Social media and dating apps amplify comparison and unrealistic expectations, encouraging people to wait for the "perfect" option instead of trying and learning.
- Sunk cost fallacy can trap people in jobs, courses or relationships that no longer fit, simply because they have already invested time, money or effort.
- Parents can support self-efficacy by giving children safe opportunities to fail, rather than over-protecting them and reinforcing the idea that mistakes are unacceptable.
“When identity and outcome become fused is when we start to see this problem.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation on The Shift Show swaps clinical jargon for real-life chat about why making decisions can feel so terrifying, especially for younger adults juggling studies, careers, and relationships. Registered psychologist and ShiftGrit founder Andrea McTague teams up with psychology student and client experience team member Kai Ongaro to break down decision paralysis – that stuck feeling where every choice feels like it could make or break your future.
As Andrea puts it, it’s when “certainty of outcome becomes a requirement for any decision,” and suddenly you’re stuck researching options instead of actually living. Kai shares how this shows up on campus life: picking classes, research projects, or whether to go to grad school starts to feel like a test of identity rather than just a choice.
Perfectionism, fear of failure, and the pressure to get it “right on the first try” pile on until doing nothing feels safer than risking a wrong move. The pair also connect this to relationships and modern dating. With endless options on apps and polished couple content on social media, many people wait for the “perfect” partner, job, or life – and end up doing a lot of scrolling and very little committing.
Andrea notes how this feeds limiting beliefs like “I’m a failure” or “I’m incapable,” which keep the threat brain on high alert and turn every decision into a potential disaster. There’s plenty here for parents too, as they look at how over-involvement and safety culture can unintentionally erode self-efficacy by not giving kids room to fail.
Throughout, Andrea and Kai gently steer things back to treating life as a series of experiments: try one thing, learn from it, pivot if needed. If decision-making feels like life or death, this chat might help you ask: what if it’s just an experiment instead?
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