10 Self Coaching Questions for Parents of Kids Who Struggle With Mental Health and Substances, with Brenda Zane10 Self Coaching Questions for Parents of Kids Who Struggle With Mental Health and Substances, with Brenda Zane
Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction
Brenda Zane shares ten self-coaching questions for parents of teens and young adults who struggle with substances and mental health, grounded in CRAFT and Invitation to Change principles. The conversation focuses on parental behaviour, acceptance, self-preservation and building more constructive ways to respond to chaos.
54:30•4 Jun 2026
Ten Self-Coaching Questions Every Parent in Addiction Chaos Needs
Episode Overview
- Ask what role your own reactions, beliefs and behaviours might play in sustaining family problems around substance use.
- Check whether you’re unintentionally making it easier for your child to use by providing money, rescue or shelter without conditions.
- Allow natural consequences to land, viewing them as an act of love that helps your child feel the true impact of their choices.
- Focus on understanding the pain and triggers behind substance use, using tools like functional analysis or an insight map.
- Prioritise your own health, emotional stability and separate identity so you can remain a consistent, positive influence over time.
“As you know, it takes two people to play a game of tug-of-war. And if you don't pick up the rope, the other person can't play the game.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This episode focuses on the parents in that story, giving them ten self-coaching questions to steady themselves when chaos hits and no professional support is immediately at hand. Host Brenda Zane, a health and wellness coach and mum of a son who nearly died from addiction, talks directly to parents of teens and young adults who struggle with substances and mental health.
She walks through questions designed to shift attention from trying to "fix" a child to examining a parent's own responses, beliefs and habits.
You’ll hear her ask tough but practical questions like, "What is my role in some of the problems my child is facing?" and "Am I unintentionally making it easier for my child to continue using?" She brings in principles from CRAFT and Invitation to Change, talking about natural consequences as an act of love, reinforcing non-using behaviour, and really understanding the pain that drives substance use rather than just reacting to the surface behaviour.
Brenda also tackles emotional reactivity, using the memorable reminder "don’t pick up the rope" in the tug-of-war of drama. She highlights how parents often shield kids from consequences because they can’t bear their own discomfort, and how burnout and self-neglect quietly undermine any chance of consistent support. Questions around acceptance, self-preservation versus self-care, and separating a parent’s identity from their child’s choices may sting, but they’re presented with warmth, humour and zero judgement.
If you’re exhausted from crisis mode yet still desperate to help your child, this conversation offers structure: ten questions you can return to, journal on, and use as a steadying toolkit. Which one of these questions is asking for your attention today?
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