#111 Forgiveness
#111 Forgiveness

The Gathering With Roger B.

Roger B and several members of The Gathering talk about forgiveness, resentment and self-forgiveness through the lens of the 12 Steps. They share personal stories, spiritual tools and practical ways to let go of old hurts and expectations in recovery.

InspiringHonestSupportiveHealingInformative

1:05:33•21 May 2026

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About this podcast

The Gathering With Roger B.

Roger B.

The Gathering’s talks are generally tied to one or more of the 12 Steps, but are always guided by spiritual concepts, principles and ideas common to most faiths. Topics are drawn from a variety of sources: the 12 steps, many of the well-known wisdom texts, science and other teachers that speak to a spiritual solution to life's challenges. About Roger B. Roger has been in recovery for over 43 years and has spent thousands of hours in service, sharing his experience, strength and hope. He has created curriculum for treatment centers, and lead workshops and retreats throughout the United States and Canada. Roger is a certified Spiritual Director, and offers insight into spiritually-based living skills that are relevant to all people – whether in recovery or not. Roger is the first to admit that his long-term sobriety was brought about by the “trial-and-error method.” His experience reveals what has worked, and - perhaps more importantly - what has not worked, but taught him valuable life lessons. Roger B. and The Gathering with Roger B. are not affiliated, or endorsed by any third parties or 12-step programs. The Gathering on Zoom first and Third Wed 7pm CT id 728-200-4166 password 513915

Sobriety ToolkitSpiritualitySexualityPersonal GrowthUnderstanding Addiction

Episodes: 111

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Forgiveness, Expectations and the Beast in Our Heads

Episode Overview

Forgiveness is less about willpower and more about creating space—through inventory, prayer and empathy—for forgiveness to flow through you.
Resentments keep people chained to their past; seeing others as 'perhaps spiritually sick' softens judgement and opens the door to compassion.
Expectations of how others should act often turn into perceived injuries; dropping those expectations reduces anger and disappointment.
Self-forgiveness usually follows changed behaviour over time, proving to the 'beast' that old patterns have truly shifted.
Prayer such as 'God save me from being angry' coupled with practical amends work can gradually remove the emotional charge from painful memories.

“We suffer from our history and our imagination, fear. That’s why we suffer.”

What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? This conversation on The Gathering With Roger B. centres on forgiveness as a daily spiritual practice, rather than a one-off act of will. Roger, over four decades sober, kicks things off by redefining forgiveness as “an intentional personal choice to let go of resentment, anger, and the desire for vengeance,” then quickly admits that simply saying “I forgive you” never worked for him.

Instead, he leans on psychiatrist Harry Thiebaud’s idea that, “we don’t forgive with our will. We create the environment for the forgiveness to come through us.” From there, the group talks about how resentment, shame and old wounds keep people stuck in both addiction and recovery, and how inventory, prayer and amends create that environment for real change. You’ll hear honest, often funny, shares about forgiving bosses, ex-partners, parents and, hardest of all, themselves.

Tom talks about forgiving a boss he once despised and finding “the most powerful business relationship that I ever had” on the other side of letting go. Rhonda recalls a powerful amends from an ex that suddenly lifted years of anger: “Something passed between us, and it was spiritual.

It wasn’t anything else.” Roger keeps circling back to expectations, fear and the “beast” in the head that loves to replay history and invent terrifying futures: “We suffer from our history and our imagination.” Practical tools from the 12 Steps run all through the conversation—resentment inventories, praying “God save me from being angry,” changing behaviour to allow self-forgiveness, and seeing others as “perhaps spiritually sick” rather than evil.

If you’re wrestling with old hurts, stuck in self-blame, or just tired of dragging your past around, this episode offers plenty of real-life examples of how people in recovery are learning to let go. Where might your own freedom be hiding behind an unforgiven story?

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