#113 What do I do with the pain?
#113 What do I do with the pain?

The Gathering With Roger B.

Roger B. and The Gathering community talk about what to do with pain, linking spirituality, the 12 Steps and everyday struggles with fear, shame and victimhood. Group members share how facing pain, rather than numbing it, can change their recovery and relationships.

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1:01:19•18 Jun 2026

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About this podcast

The Gathering With Roger B.

Roger B.

The Gathering’s talks are generally tied to one or more of the 12 Steps, but are always guided by spiritual concepts, principles and ideas common to most faiths. Topics are drawn from a variety of sources: the 12 steps, many of the well-known wisdom texts, science and other teachers that speak to a spiritual solution to life's challenges. About Roger B. Roger has been in recovery for over 43 years and has spent thousands of hours in service, sharing his experience, strength and hope. He has created curriculum for treatment centers, and lead workshops and retreats throughout the United States and Canada. Roger is a certified Spiritual Director, and offers insight into spiritually-based living skills that are relevant to all people – whether in recovery or not. Roger is the first to admit that his long-term sobriety was brought about by the “trial-and-error method.” His experience reveals what has worked, and - perhaps more importantly - what has not worked, but taught him valuable life lessons. Roger B. and The Gathering with Roger B. are not affiliated, or endorsed by any third parties or 12-step programs. The Gathering on Zoom first and Third Wed 7pm CT id 728-200-4166 password 513915

Sobriety ToolkitSpiritualitySexualityPersonal GrowthUnderstanding Addiction

Episodes: 113

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What Do I Do With the Pain? Turning Hurt into Healing in Recovery

Episode Overview

Pain is presented as a lesson rather than a punishment, and becomes harmful when it is denied, avoided or blamed on others.
If pain is not transformed through awareness, spiritual work and honesty, it is passed on to others in the form of abuse, resentment or emotional deadness.
Recovery tools such as inventory, meetings, prayer, meditation and community sharing help shift from victimhood to responsibility and growth.
Alcohol and other behaviours are described as anaesthetics for unaddressed pain, with hitting bottom creating the chance to become teachable.
Participants stress that while pain is unavoidable, ongoing suffering often comes from clinging to old scripts, fear and the false self.

“If we do not transform our pain, we will transmit it in the same form.”

leans straight into that question by asking something even sharper: **"What do I do with the pain?"** Roger reads from Richard Rohr’s writing on male initiation and links it to recovery, pointing out that "all great spirituality is about what we do with our pain." He suggests that pain is a teacher rather than a punishment and repeats a core line that hits home for many in the group: **"If we do not transform our pain, we will transmit it in the same form."** You’ll hear Roger connect this to familiar 12-Step ideas: bottoms, becoming teachable, and the ripple effect of alcoholism on families.

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This Gathering session with Roger B. He talks candidly about narcissism, victimhood and the "Roger‑centred world," where everything is judged by what it can do for him. From there, the community joins in with raw, honest shares. Paul talks about learning that pain can be "transcended without being transmitted" and how it keeps showing up in new layers, especially around family.

Justin describes a day of self‑pity and mental chaos, realising he "didn't breathe, didn't pray" and instead blamed everyone for his "shitty day." Others, like Kathy and Bill, share how writing inventory, honesty and humility expose where they themselves were the problem, not the victim. Physical, emotional and spiritual pain all get airtime — from gum surgery to long-term illness, from regret and shame to the terror of possibly losing a spouse.

Yet the thread running through every share is the same: pain becomes bearable, and even useful, when it’s brought into community, surrendered to a Higher Power, and used as a cue to ask, "What am I supposed to learn here?" If pain is part of the deal for all of us, how might your own pain change if you stopped running from it and started listening instead?

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