#121 Perception#121 Perception
The Gathering With Roger B.
Roger B talks about how childhood experiences shape perception, fuelling fear, shame and a lifelong "program for happiness". Participants share real-life examples of changing their thinking, setting boundaries and challenging the inner "beast" as part of spiritual recovery.
1:03:59•22 Oct 2026
Rewriting the Story: Roger B on Perception, the Beast and Healing
Episode Overview
- Early unmet emotional needs often lead to a distorted "program for happiness" that drives adult behaviour.
- Perception is largely formed in childhood and can be based on misinterpretation rather than actual events.
- The "beast" is described as an internal voice using fear and shame, and its power weakens when it’s recognised and challenged.
- Pausing, asking for intuitive guidance and simple thought practices like repeating "Thank you" can help shift reactions into responses.
- Healing begins by accepting that while past wounds weren’t a person’s fault, changing perception and attitude is their responsibility.
“My wounds are not my fault, but my healing is my responsibility.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This Gathering session with Roger B centres on "perception" and how early experiences shape the way people see themselves, others and life itself. With over four decades in recovery, Roger talks plainly about growing up in a chaotic alcoholic home, building a tough persona, and later realising that much of his thinking was driven by fear and old wounds rather than reality.
Roger introduces ideas from Thomas Keating about basic human needs—security, affection, power and control—and how unmet needs in childhood fuel what he calls a "program for happiness". By around eight years old, he says, most people have already formed their biases, survival tactics and distorted beliefs, often based on misinterpretations. As he puts it, "Children are great observers and lousy interpreters." The conversation keeps circling back to one central message: perception is learned, often faulty, and can be changed.
Roger describes the "beast" as that relentless inner voice using fear and shame to run the show, and encourages using pauses, Step Ten, and simple practices like silently repeating "Thank you" to prove to yourself that you can actually direct your thinking. Several participants—Maya, Kirsten, Paul, Justin, Doug, Tom, Mary, Zadie and Trevor—share how distorted perceptions show up at work, in family drama, in childhood religion, and in painful memories of being told their feelings didn’t matter.
Shame, people pleasing, boundary-setting and the belief that everyone else "has the book to life" all make an appearance, giving the session a very relatable feel.
Threaded through the humour and stories is a sober reminder: "My wounds are not my fault, but my healing is my responsibility." For anyone in recovery who feels trapped in old stories about who they are, this talk offers a chance to ask: what if the way you’ve seen things all these years just isn’t true?
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