#122 Instincts Gone Wild!#122 Instincts Gone Wild!
The Gathering With Roger B.
Roger B. and group members talk about how basic human instincts, once fuelled by fear and shame, can drive destructive thinking and behaviour in sobriety. The conversation focuses on boundaries, security fears and spiritual tools that people use to find a more peaceful way of living without alcohol.
57:31•5 Nov 2026
Instincts Gone Wild: Fear, Shame and the Thinking Problem in Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Sobriety is framed as a thinking problem rather than just a drinking problem, with destructive thoughts often driven by fear and shame.
- Social, security and sex instincts are described as natural and God-given, but they become harmful when used to chase approval, safety or satisfaction at any cost.
- Boundaries with family and partners are presented as crucial, even when they lead to feelings of loss, with journalling, prayer and faith helping process the pain without drinking.
- Several speakers highlight how over-attachment to money, status, possessions or "backup" supplies reveals fear-based security thinking that never truly satisfies.
- Recovery tools such as inventory, meditation, honest communication and pausing to ask "What did you hear me say?" are shared as practical ways to quiet the inner "beast" and build genuine peace.
“I find out I have a problem that's much greater than the substance problem. I have a thinking problem. And my thinking's literally trying to kill me.”
How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober when their instincts and fears seem to run the show? This Gathering session with Roger B. zeroes in on the gritty truth behind sobriety: alcohol isn’t the main problem, thinking is. Roger, with 48 years of continuous sobriety, breaks down three "God-given" basic instincts—social, security and sex—and shows how they’re meant to help humans thrive, not trap them.
The trouble starts, he says, when fear and shame hitch a ride: "I find out I have a problem that's much greater than the substance problem. I have a thinking problem. And my thinking's literally trying to kill me." From craving approval in every room to stockpiling coffee and petrol "backup", these instincts can quietly take over daily life. You’ll hear candid shares from people in early and long-term recovery.
Melissa talks about setting tough boundaries with her mum and ex-partner, feeling "a really deep loss" yet choosing to write, pray and stay sober: "I don't have to drink over it.
I don't even want to drink over it." Kirsten admits a fear-driven habit of over-preparing for scarcity, and works on trusting that she’s "always had what I need in my time of need." Others, like Justin and Tom, unpack how chasing status, money, and control turned into exhaustion, shame and, eventually, a reason to get sober.
Throughout, Roger keeps tying it back to responsibility: his sense that real change starts when someone can say "You are looking at the problem" in the mirror, and then use tools like inventory, prayer, meditation and honest communication to respond differently. If you’ve ever wondered whether your instincts are helping you grow or just keeping you scared and busy, this conversation might prompt you to ask: what story is your thinking telling you today—and are you ready to question it?
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