172. Why Do I Keep Making the Same Mistakes? | Malachy Dunne on Behaviour Change172. Why Do I Keep Making the Same Mistakes? | Malachy Dunne on Behaviour Change
The Self Development Podcast
Host Johnny Lawrence and therapist Malachy Dunne talk about addiction, sobriety and repeating the same mistakes, focusing on realisation, unlearning and acceptance. Their conversation links grief, crisis and metacognition to practical behaviour change and self-awareness.
1:14:57•28 Oct 2026
Why You Keep Repeating Old Patterns: Sobriety, Unlearning and Self-Acceptance
Episode Overview
- Real change often comes from personal realisation rather than being told what to do, especially in addiction and recovery.
- Alcohol can function as an "unreliable friend", and letting it go may require genuine grief for the loss of something familiar.
- Acceptance is about allowing what’s true, not working harder; you can start by accepting how you feel, even if you can’t accept the event itself.
- Deliberate unlearning helps undo automatic habits like self-criticism by moving them from unconscious patterns into conscious choice.
- Metacognition—watching your own thoughts and reactions—creates space to respond differently instead of running on autopilot.
“"We believe in the power of realisation over information."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety and real change? This conversation between host Johnny Lawrence and long-time mentor and therapist Malachy Dunne offers a raw look at behaviour change, addiction recovery and what it really takes to stop repeating the same mistakes.
You’ll hear Johnny reflect on his own sobriety and the huge role Malachy played in it, including the blunt but memorable line: "You want to know why you drink, stop drinking." From there, they break down why information alone rarely shifts behaviour and why, as Malachy puts it, "we believe in the power of realisation over information." It’s less about being told what to do and more about being gently prepared to see things for yourself.
The chat moves through some heavy terrain: early addiction, rehab, 38 years of sobriety, and a recent wave of family grief that Malachy says has been both devastating and strangely clarifying. He talks about "post-traumatic growth", the shortness of life, and what it means to choose to be alive each day rather than sleepwalk through life on autopilot.
For anyone stuck in old patterns, there’s a helpful breakdown of "deliberate unlearning" and the four stages of learning, plus a refreshingly practical take on acceptance.
Malachy explains that acceptance is "not doing work" and that you can only accept what’s true, sometimes starting with something as simple as "I don’t want this to have happened." They also touch on grief as absence, letting go of an "unreliable friend" in alcohol, and how metacognition—"being your own philosopher"—can create a pause between urge and action.
If you’re wrestling with addiction, harsh self-talk or a life that doesn’t quite fit, this conversation might leave you asking: what am I ready to unlearn so I can finally do things differently?
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