361: Why People Relapse

361: Why People Relapse

What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? In this conversation, recovery specialists Veronica Valli and Chip Somers get honest about one of the scariest parts of sobriety: relapse. Speaking from decades of experience, they unpack why people slip, both in early days and after many years sober. Chip challenges the idea that alcoholism must always mean relapse, while also stressing urgency: shame after a slip can be fatal if it keeps someone from getting help.

As he puts it, “It isn’t the falling down that matters, it’s the staying down that is difficult.” You’ll hear them contrast how we treat alcoholism with other illnesses: nobody stands in A&E berating a diabetic. Yet in some 12-step groups, people who relapse are shamed or sent “back to day one”, which can push them away from support exactly when they need it most.

They highlight common relapse triggers: idealising past drinking, avoiding deeper emotional work, doing recovery alone, and jumping into intense romantic relationships that become a substitute for inner growth. Veronica argues that alcohol is a symptom, not the root problem: if fear, pain and old trauma aren’t addressed, the brain will reach for its old anaesthetic.

Practical tips run all through the chat: build a “photo album” of what your drinking was really like, avoid risky environments in early sobriety unless you have an exit plan and support, and make phoning someone in recovery second nature long before a crisis hits. They also talk about relapse after many sober years, how quickly things can unravel, and why gratitude and ongoing growth are non‑negotiable.

Warm, funny and very direct, this episode is aimed at anyone who’s scared of relapsing, has recently slipped, or just wants to understand how to protect their sobriety for the long haul. What small action could you take today to make your future self safer and stronger?