363: Resentments

363: Resentments

Curious about how others handle the mental clutter that builds up in sobriety? This Soberful episode zooms in on one of recovery’s biggest troublemakers: resentments. Hosts Veronica Valli and Chip Somers talk candidly about why AA calls resentment “the number one offender” for people with an alcohol problem. They describe it as “like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die” – you’re the one suffering while the other person gets on with their day.

From workplace feuds to long-standing family wounds, they show how resentments can become all‑consuming, drain energy, and make a drink seem like relief. You’ll hear real-life examples from both of them: Chip’s long-running anger at his mother and jealousy of more successful colleagues, and Veronica’s furious reaction to a parent questioning her email signature, plus the everyday irritations of toilet rolls, toothpaste and noisy eating.

They’re upfront that they still feel resentment in long-term sobriety; the difference now is what they do with it. Rather than pretending to be endlessly serene, they argue that resentment is part of being human. The key, they say, is accepting responsibility for how you respond. Writing things down, talking honestly with someone you trust, and doing inventory-style reflection all help reveal what’s really going on underneath.

Veronica describes this as “revealing yourself to yourself” and insists that freedom lies in changing your own behaviour and boundaries, not waiting for other people to change. For anyone in early recovery who’s still hooking their drinking to old hurts, this episode offers practical tools and a big dose of honesty. It asks a simple but challenging question: are you ready to stop letting people live rent-free in your head?