6 Years 318 days - Build a Posse6 Years 318 days - Build a Posse
I'm Quitting Alcohol
Comedian David Boyle riffs on the idea that having lots of kids is the ultimate life investment, contrasting it with spending on booze, drugs and financial markets. Through sharp humour and irreverent honesty, he raises questions about family, ageing and what you’re really building in sobriety.
8:56•28 Mar 2026
Build a Posse: David Boyle on Kids, Sobriety and the Best ‘Investment’
Episode Overview
- Boyle jokingly argues that having many children is a better long-term investment than housing, stocks or bitcoin.
- He suggests money once spent on alcohol, drugs and partying can be redirected into raising kids.
- Large, multi-generational households are framed as a practical response to economic pressure and ageing.
- He breaks down a tongue-in-cheek "return on investment" for having five or more children, expecting at least one solid achiever.
- A core concern raised is who will care for people who choose not to have children as they grow older.
“"All you're doing is really redirecting the funds you would be using to get fucked up or buy a bag of cocaine... All you're doing is redirecting that money into a child."”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? For comedian David Boyle, part of the answer seems to be trading booze-soaked chaos for something far messier and far more meaningful: family. In this short, punchy episode of "I'm Quitting Alcohol," Boyle riffs on what he calls the best long-term investment in uncertain times – having lots of kids and building your own posse.
Speaking with his usual blunt humour and colourful language, Boyle throws around ideas like housing, stocks and bitcoin before landing on children as the ultimate future plan. He jokes that "the best investment to make right now is if you're young, have kids. Have lots and lots of kids. Minimum five," arguing that you're really just redirecting the money you used to spend on getting drunk, buying cocaine or partying into raising a crew.
Boyle talks about multi-generational living as the likely future, laughing off the brief cultural phase of kicking kids out at 18. Instead, he imagines families stacked in one house, sharing costs and support.
He even breaks it down like an investment portfolio: out of five kids, he reckons three might be "useless" but still caring, and one might be a solid or high achiever – someone who could end up running "the equivalent of a 7-Eleven" and helping out when you're old.
There’s plenty of tongue-in-cheek exaggeration, including talk of converting to Islam for multiple wives and 15–20 kids, but underneath the jokes sits a serious question: who’s going to look after you if you spend your life solo, rich in stocks but with no family around?
If you’re sober or getting there and wondering what to do with all that freed-up time and money, this fast, rough-around-the-edges monologue might get you thinking about what you’re really investing in – and who’ll be there when the party’s truly over.
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