#825 Best Of: Nora McInerney & Grief#825 Best Of: Nora McInerney & Grief
Mental Illness Happy Hour
Paul Gilmartin and Nora McInerney share a darkly funny, emotionally honest conversation about cancer, grief, anger and rebuilding life after multiple losses. Their chat offers practical ideas for supporting grieving people and shows how humour and honesty can sit right beside heartbreak.
2:25:54•6 Nov 2026
Grief, Gallows Humour and Still Kicking: Nora McInerney with Paul Gilmartin
Episode Overview
- Grief is messy, angry and ungraceful, and there is no timetable or “right way” to do it.
- Avoid starting sentences with “at least” or “let me know if you need anything”; instead, offer specific, practical help without creating extra work.
- Remembering the dead person by name and sharing concrete memories can be far more comforting than focusing on how they died.
- Caregivers and surviving partners often receive no emotional support from professionals, even though they may be traumatised and in need of therapy or medication.
- You can build a different life after massive loss, including new love and meaningful projects, without erasing the person you lost.
“It did not feel graceful. It felt like everything had been broken and I was just sitting among the rubble trying to make other people feel comfortable.”
What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery and grief? This live conversation from Minneapolis brings together comedian and host Paul Gilmartin and writer/podcaster Nora McInerney for a raw, funny, and very human look at what happens when life falls apart all at once. You’ll hear Nora talk candidly about losing a baby, her dad, and her husband Aaron in the space of a few months, and how she kept functioning while feeling like “everything had been broken”.
She talks about caregiving during Aaron’s cancer treatment, laughing through chemo days, and then facing a world that expected her to grieve gracefully when she mostly felt furious. As she puts it, “It did not feel graceful. It felt like everything had been broken and I was just sitting among the rubble trying to make other people feel comfortable.” For anyone dealing with loss, this is especially useful.
Nora shares what actually helps a grieving person (concrete help, remembering the person who died, texts that say “I’m thinking of you”) and what really doesn’t, like the dreaded “at least…” comments or “let me know if there’s anything I can do.” She’s very clear: if you care, just do something.
Along the way, there’s plenty of dark humour—Nora reading from her intensely petty childhood journals, the worst teenage song you’ve ever heard, and Paul’s own fears about dying alone after addiction and mental health struggles. They also touch on depression, intrusive self‑criticism, the role of support groups, and Nora’s Still Kickin project that gives financial help to people going through brutal life events.
If you’re grieving, supporting someone who is, or trying to untangle shame and sadness around mental illness and addiction, you’ll find honesty, relief and a surprising amount of laughter here. What if you didn’t have to pretend to be “fine” anymore?
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