A thought experiment about narcissism

A thought experiment about narcissism

What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This episode of LOL Sober plays with that question by poking at a label many people throw around a bit too easily: “narcissist.” Nelson, an alcoholic addict using a pen name, brings his usual mix of humour and honesty to a tricky topic that shows up in arguments, divorces, and sober circles alike.

He starts with a cheeky exercise: think of someone who’s irritating you right now, then ask yourself if they’re self‑centred, thin‑skinned, manipulative, or obsessed with themselves. “I bet when you think of someone on your shit list right now, you probably answered yes to at least a few of these questions,” he says.

From there, he shares how a single podcast by a psychologist had him diagnosing people in his life as narcissists based on, as he jokes, his “expert opinion of listening to one podcast and thinking about it for eight minutes.” But the punchline has a sting of truth: those so‑called narcissist traits?

They describe most people at least some of the time, and, as Nelson notes, “a lot of these traits are part of an alcoholic psyche.” He connects this to recovery work, especially the fourth step, where you’re asked, “What’s my contribution to this argument or this resentment?” Slapping the narcissist label on someone can be an easy way out that avoids looking at your own part.

You’ll hear about a friend in the middle of a divorce who found comfort by deciding his ex was a narcissist, and Nelson’s gentle challenge to that thinking. Instead of obsessing over labels, he focuses on boundaries, responsibility, and the idea that “we’re probably all on the narcissist spectrum somewhere.” If you’ve ever written someone off as “just a narcissist,” this humorous, self-aware reflection might make you pause and ask: what’s my exit on the narcissism highway?