Amends: More Than Saying SorryAmends: More Than Saying Sorry
Alcoholics Alive!
Shank and Wayne talk about what real Step 9 amends look like, stressing that they involve concrete change and honesty rather than just saying sorry. With personal stories, humour, and AA slogans, they share how careful guidance and consistent action can turn a scary process into genuine freedom.
32:35•22 Sept 2026
Amends: Why “Sorry” Isn’t Enough in Alcoholics Alive!
Episode Overview
- Amends are about correcting harm and “sweeping off our side of the street”, not highlighting the other person’s faults.
- Being calm, frank, and open gives the other person space to respond and often leads to a sense of relief, regardless of their reaction.
- Financial amends can be tackled with simple, steady payments over time, rather than waiting to clear everything in one go.
- Sponsors and experienced AA members are vital for guidance on sensitive or complicated amends, especially where others may be affected.
- Trying to live by principles day-to-day often grows out of making real amends, rather than relying on the idea of a vague “living amends.”
“I’m not here to say I’m sorry. I’m here to actually amend or correct the damage.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? Alcoholics Alive! brings Shank and Wayne together to talk frankly about Step 9 and why amends are “more than saying sorry.” Aimed at people in recovery, especially those working through the AA programme, this conversation blends straight-talking experience with plenty of humour and honesty.
They start with a reading from the Big Book on “sweeping off our side of the street” and unpack what that really looks like when facing people who’ve been hurt. You’ll hear how they keep the focus on their own actions, not the other person’s faults, and why being “calm, frank, and open” matters more than getting a feel‑good reaction. One standout line sums it up: “I’m not here to say I’m sorry.
I’m here to actually amend or correct the damage.” Both hosts share real examples, from paying off old debts over ten years to revisiting an amends to a parent after several years sober, once both sides were ready for a deeper conversation. They also tackle tricky situations: financial amends, complicated legal harms, and what to do when making an amends would drag other people into it. Guidance from sponsors and experienced AA members comes up again and again as essential.
In their “Meeting Shrapnel” segment, they have a laugh picking apart slogans like “Keep it short, sweet, and don’t re‑break their nose,” “Make amends, not a reenactment,” and “Don’t start a new tab while you’re paying off the old bar.” The jokes land, but the message is clear: don’t cause new harm while you’re cleaning up old messes, and don’t turn amends into a dramatic performance.
If you’re dreading Step 9, wondering what “living amends” really means, or just need reassurance that fear around amends is normal, this chat offers experience, relief, and a reminder that real freedom often starts right where you’d rather not go. Who might benefit if you finally swept your side of the street?
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