Are You Loving Someone or Controlling Them?

Are You Loving Someone or Controlling Them?

Curious about how others handle the messy overlap between love, control, and recovery? This conversation between host Tanya Joya and clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Michaud goes straight into that grey area where caring for someone can quietly turn into running their life. Aimed especially at Christian women living with addiction in the family, this episode blends faith, humour, and hard truth. Dr.

Sarah, 40 years sober and author of *Co-Crazy*, shares how codependency can feel just as consuming as any substance. She explains that many of our go‑to “helping” habits began in childhood as clever ways to feel safe around angry or unstable adults – and how those same tricks backfire in adult relationships.

You’ll hear sharp, practical distinctions, like her litmus test for love versus control: “If I notice that my body is in some kind of even a minor activation or I feel anxious, say to yourself, do I have to do this? And if it's like a feeling like I have to, it's codependency.

It's not love.” From there, they talk about parenting, marriage, church expectations, and the physical toll of chronic people‑pleasing, bringing in references to Gabor Maté and well‑known Christian authors who’ve shared similar journeys. Dr. Sarah keeps things real but hopeful, offering simple starting tools: pausing before reacting, identifying fear beneath anger, practising tiny acts of self‑care, and learning to ask directly for what you need instead of hoping others read your mind.

Tanya grounds the conversation in faith, reminding listeners that God’s desire is not endless self‑sacrifice to the point of collapse, but a life rooted in peace, boundaries and joy. If you’ve ever felt like a “pretzel” trying to keep everyone else okay, this episode might be the nudge you need to start untwisting. Where could you take one small step toward your own wellbeing today?