Clancy I – Venice CA
Clancy I – Venice CA

MD Tapes Archive Library

This is most likely from the 47th Florida AA Convention

AuthenticInspiringHonestInformativeHopeful

1:15:07•9 Feb 2020

RSS Feed

From Skid Row to Service: Clancy Immislin on Finally Owning Alcoholism

Episode Overview

Alcohol was used to fix painful feelings and a sense of not fitting in, rather than just to party.
Simply stopping drinking did not solve the deeper discomfort; life became more painful when sober without further change.
Identification with another alcoholic’s inner feelings allowed the AA message to finally sink in.
Taking unwanted actions – getting any job, keeping commitments, doing small responsible tasks – became key spiritual work.
Accepting the AA definition of alcoholism removed the obsession to drink, as drinking was clearly linked to ending up back on the street with "no friendly direction".

“"I don’t drink because I’m a drinker. I drink because I’m a feeler. That’s the only thing that makes me feel good."”

He talks about years of dipping in and out of AA, using meetings to "take the heat off" rather than to change, and his deep belief that he wasn’t really an alcoholic: "I don’t drink because I’m a drinker… I drink because I’m a feeler." The talk is filled with dark humour and self-mockery – from getting his teeth kicked out in a Phoenix jail cell to washing AA coffee cups because he was too scared of being thrown back out into the rain.

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? In this classic AA speaker recording from the MD Tapes Archive, longtime member Clancy Immislin shares a raw, funny and painfully honest account of how alcohol took him from university lecturer and advertising hotshot to toothless, broke and sleeping in abandoned cars. You’ll hear Clancy describe standing in the rain outside a skid row mission in Los Angeles, feeling there was "no friendly direction" left in his life.

Yet underneath the laughs sits a clear message about identification and honesty. Clancy explains how he finally came to accept the AA definition of alcoholism: not just drinking too much, but having a life that becomes unbearable sober unless something changes inside. He describes the slow work of doing what his sponsor suggested – getting "a terrible job", showing up on time, picking things up off the floor – as spiritual action, even when it felt humiliating.

Over time, that steady discipline, meetings and sponsorship gave him something he’d never had before: a way to live sober without that inner spring tightening until he broke. This recording will speak to anyone who has sat in meetings thinking, "I’m different" or "my real problem isn’t alcohol." It asks a quiet but powerful question: what if the name for that secret pain is simply alcoholism, and what if there’s a way out through this simple programme?

NextLorna K – San Fernando CA