CLASSICS REVISITED: Facing the Obstacles, Part 1CLASSICS REVISITED: Facing the Obstacles, Part 1
Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction
Laurie McDougall and Kayla Solomon talk about the gap between knowing recovery tools and actually using them, especially for families facing repeated crises. They focus on slowing down crisis reactions, practising reflective listening, and making small, calm changes that gradually reshape relationships.
32:54•6 Jun 2026
Mind the Gap: From Knowing What to Do to Actually Doing It
Episode Overview
- There is often a gap between knowing what to do and actually changing behaviour, for both loved ones and family members.
- Reacting as if everything is a crisis keeps people stuck; slowing events down allows more thoughtful and effective responses.
- Recognising one’s own part in a recurring problem creates a sense of power and offers concrete ways to shift the dynamic.
- Skills like reflective listening and structured communication need repeated practice, with small adjustments after each attempt rather than harsh self-judgement.
- Reducing self-criticism and anxiety helps families act from a calmer place, which strengthens connection and improves relationships over time.
“If I am creating part of this problem, then I am the solution.”
How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This classic conversation from *Coming Up for Air* zooms in on one huge snag: the gap between what you know and what you actually do. Laurie McDougall and therapist Kayla Solomon talk honestly about how families and loved ones often say, "I know all this already," yet still feel stuck.
Kayla shares a powerful moment from her own relationship when intense listening led her to think, *“If I am creating part of this problem… then I am the solution.”* That shift – from blaming or rescuing to asking, “What’s my part here?” – sits at the heart of their message. You’ll hear them unpack why crisis-style reactions are so hard to resist.
They use a familiar scenario: a loved one calls in a panic, saying the pharmacy is closing and they need money immediately for medication. Every instinct screams, “Fix it now!” But Laurie explains how, in their support meetings, families practise reflective listening instead of instantly solving the problem, learning to sit with the anxiety rather than rushing in with a superhero cape. The episode also looks at how self-criticism and constant problem-solving burn families out.
Kayla compares anxiety to “battery acid” on the nervous system and stresses the importance of slowing things down, practising skills like active listening and problem-solving over and over, and removing negativity from how people speak to themselves and their loved ones. For anyone supporting a person with substance use issues, this conversation offers practical examples, plenty of relatable humour, and reassurance that change is a messy, repetitive process.
The message is simple but challenging: small tweaks, steady practice, and calmer responses can reshape relationships over time. If you’ve ever thought, “I know what to do, so why can’t I do it?”, this might be exactly the pause button you’ve been craving.
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