CLASSICS REVISITED: Facing Obstacles Part 2: How to Not React in Tough MomentsCLASSICS REVISITED: Facing Obstacles Part 2: How to Not React in Tough Moments
Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction
Laurie McDougall and Kayla Solomon talk about emotional reactivity in families facing addiction and share practical ways to pause instead of overreacting. They focus on body cues, reflective listening, and giving loved ones space to think and choose their own next steps.
29:25•12 Jun 2026
How to Stay Calm Instead of Exploding: Families Working With Reactivity
Episode Overview
- Strong reactions often come from fear, love, and dread, but can actually increase risk and tension rather than reduce it.
- Noticing body cues—tightness, racing heart, rapid thoughts—helps you spot the moment you need to pause and say nothing.
- Silence, space, and reflective listening are more effective than advice‑giving, which can feel like pressure or "bear spray" to your loved one.
- Letting people form their own ideas and plans greatly increases their motivation and chances of following through with treatment.
- Practising these skills in support groups or structured training helps families stay calmer and more connected during real‑life conflicts.
“"I strongly believe this: healing begins when people feel heard."”
Laurie shares how every cell in her body used to say "you need to react," while Kayla points out that this urge often comes from dread, love, and terror: "We get sucked into the undertow of what I call, ‘oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.’" You’ll hear practical ways to hit pause instead of exploding, like noticing body signals (tight chest, racing thoughts, shallow breathing) and using a simple rule: when you’re hijacked, "zip it"—no talking, texting, or firing off ‘brilliant ideas’.
How do people cope with the challenges of staying connected while a loved one struggles with addiction? This conversation between hosts Laurie McDougall and Kayla Solomon zooms in on that white‑hot moment when fear spikes, tempers flare, and every part of you is screaming, "React!" Speaking directly to families and allies, they talk about "working with reactivity"—those times when things feel like a crisis and you jump into emergency mode, convinced you have to fix everything.
They explain why stepping back doesn’t mean you don’t care; in fact, constant advice‑giving can feel like "bear spray," pushing your loved one away. A big focus is reflective listening. Rather than trying to be right or fix someone, they suggest getting curious: "What’s your story?" By truly listening and repeating back what you’ve heard, you give your loved one "the dignity of their own process" and create space for their own thinking and motivation to emerge.
The episode also touches on Allies in Recovery’s training for families, framed as doing your own "treatment" weekend—immersing yourself in skills so you can stay calmer, clearer, and more connected. If you’ve ever walked away from a fight thinking, "I wish I’d kept my mouth shut," this gentle, frank chat offers concrete tools and a bit of humour to help you do exactly that next time.
What might change in your home if you paused, listened, and let their story unfold before jumping in?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.
Related Episodes
Similar episodes from other shows in the catalogue.