CLASSICS REVISITED: Setting BoundariesCLASSICS REVISITED: Setting Boundaries
Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction
Laurie, Dominique and Kayla talk about what boundaries mean for families facing addiction and why they start with your own choices, not your loved one’s behaviour. They share practical, small-step examples for holding limits while coping with fear, anger and exhaustion.
36:41•8 May 2026
Setting Boundaries Without Losing Yourself
Episode Overview
- Boundaries are about your behaviour and wellbeing, not controlling your loved one.
- Rigid pronouncements like "If you do this, I’ll do that" often fail; small, flexible steps are more realistic.
- Stepping away from arguments removes rewards for tantrum-like behaviour and protects your own sanity.
- You may need to build tools—distraction, self-soothing, support—to tolerate the fear that comes with holding a boundary.
- Real change usually comes through discomfort, so staying in familiar chaos can keep everyone stuck.
“"What we wind up learning is how to accept the unacceptable, and that becomes a habit or a way of being in the world—and that is not okay."”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey as a family member rather than the person using substances? This conversation from *Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction* digs into one of the trickiest skills for loved ones: setting boundaries that actually work for you.
Hosts Laurie McDougall, Dominique Simone Levine, and Kayla Solomon talk frankly about how hard it is to draw a line when someone you love is using, suicidal, abusive, or simply “obnoxious and nasty.” Kayla sets the tone early: boundaries are less about controlling someone else and more about asking, *“What am I willing to accept?
What am I not willing to accept?”* The trio keep things practical and very human, with plenty of humour and self-awareness about their own past missteps. Rather than laying down rigid rules like “If you use, I’ll kick you out,” they describe boundaries as moment‑to‑moment choices. You hear examples such as a partner deciding, “When he drinks, I leave,” or a parent giving themselves three hours before panicking when a loved one hasn’t come home.
They highlight how families often “learn to accept the unacceptable” and end up “getting destroyed over time” while the person using seems to bounce back. A big theme is shifting focus from managing the other person’s crisis to strengthening your own coping skills.
That might look like baby‑stepping into small, doable boundaries, allowing yourself a “pity party” in the car after you leave, or treating an adult’s blow‑up like a toddler or teenager’s tantrum and quietly stepping away instead of pouring lighter fluid on the fire. If you’ve ever thought, “I can’t set this boundary because I won’t survive what happens next,” this episode asks a gentle but pointed question: what if the real change starts with how you treat yourself?
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