167 - Ask yourself these 3 things before speaking to your son or daughter about getting clean and sober!167 - Ask yourself these 3 things before speaking to your son or daughter about getting clean and sober!
Real Recovery Talk
Tom Conrad breaks down three key questions parents can ask themselves before speaking to a son or daughter about getting clean and sober. He combines his own story with practical guidance on fear, expectations and realistic goals in early recovery.
29:19•21 Jan 2021
Three Questions to Ask Before Talking to Your Child About Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Check whether you’re about to speak from fear or from care, concern and love before starting a conversation about getting clean and sober.
- Accept that most people in addiction already hate their situation; they often don’t know how to change, rather than not wanting to.
- Ask yourself if the future you picture is truly what your son or daughter wants, or mainly what you want for your own relief and peace of mind.
- Keep expectations realistic; demanding quick fixes or instant life turnarounds can push your child away from involving you in their recovery.
- Give your child space to make their own decisions in sobriety instead of controlling every step, so they feel ownership of their recovery.
“"Tom, I don't know what to do at this point. I want you to get help. I just don't know how."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation gives a raw, practical look at what parents can ask themselves before talking to a son or daughter about getting clean and sober. Host Tom Conrad speaks directly to mums and dads who feel desperate, scared and worn out from watching a child spiral.
Drawing from countless talks with parents and his own past, he breaks the process into three simple but challenging questions: am I speaking from fear or from love; do I know what I want for my child; and is what I want realistic for where they are right now? Tom shares painfully honest memories of his father confronting his alcoholism. Most talks were arguments, fuelled by panic and frustration.
The one that finally shifted everything sounded very different: his dad admitted, "I don't know what to do at this point... I want you to get help. I just don't know how," and set a clear boundary around continuing to drink in the family home. That mix of love, honesty and limits became the turning point.
Parents listening get a gentle but firm challenge: are their expectations driven by genuine concern for their child, or by a longing to ease their own stress and fear? Tom talks about overbearing expectations, the "helicopter" style of parenting, and how unrealistic goals can push young adults further into addiction rather than towards recovery.
The tone stays down-to-earth and conversational, with a bit of humour about YouTube "ugly mugs" and COVID raspy voices, but the core message is serious: if you prepare your heart and your words before you speak, the odds of a calm, productive conversation go way up. If you're wondering how to approach a loved one without another blow-up, this is a thoughtful place to start asking yourself hard questions. Are you ready to talk from love instead of fear?
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