EP134 Recovery Through Relationship With Pam Lanhart

EP134 Recovery Through Relationship With Pam Lanhart

Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation with family recovery coach Pam Lanhart offers a very different take on supporting a child through substance use – one rooted in relationship rather than punishment. Speaking with host Heather Ross, Pam traces her story right back to a chaotic childhood with parents who struggled with alcohol, showing how trauma and generational patterns shaped both her parenting and her early embrace of tough love.

She openly admits to labels, shame and “make-it-stop behaviours” like searching bedrooms, calling the police, and throwing her son Jake out of the house in the name of being “right”. The turning point comes with a simple but heavy question from a pastor: “Are you going to be right for the sake of justice or are you going to love for the sake of relationship?

Because love never fails.” From there, Pam shifts towards approaches like CRAFT, harm reduction, and dialectical behavioural therapy, learning to see behaviours as making sense and to stay curious instead of reactive. Parents who feel blamed, helpless or pressured into waiting for “rock bottom” will hear an alternative: staying connected, offering practical help even while a child is still using, and doing parallel work on their own regulation, trauma and values.

Pam shares how this change allowed genuine healing with Jake, even though he later died, and why she can now look back without regret. You’ll also get a glimpse into the community and services Pam has built through Thrive Family Recovery Resources, from support groups and workshops to mentoring for families who can’t afford private coaching.

If you’re exhausted by tough love and labels like “enabler”, this story of loving well instead of withdrawing might be the fresh perspective you’ve been waiting for. What would it look like to choose relationship first in your own family?