Codependency 1 or 2Codependency 1 or 2
BUMC Pathway
Wendell shares candidly about his own struggles with abuse and addiction while unpacking practical signs of codependency. He contrasts fear-driven behaviour with love-driven choices and highlights how dehumanising others can sit at the core of codependent patterns.
34:15•13 Nov 2026
Codependency and the Mirror Test: Why You Never Feel Like Enough
Episode Overview
- Codependency often shows up as never feeling enough and being uncomfortable in your own skin.
- Constantly checking what others think, or changing yourself to suit them, is an exhausting sign of codependent living.
- Fear-driven choices lie at the core of codependency; the same action can be healthy if it is motivated by love rather than self-protection.
- Hiding your true self and sorting people into “safe” and “unsafe” lists keeps you stuck in anxiety and disconnection.
- A key warning sign is using or dehumanising others—whether harshly or in sugary-sweet ways—to feel more important or secure.
“The bottom line of codependency is, I will dehumanize you to make myself feel more human.”
How do individuals turn their lives around after addiction? Pathway’s codependency series shows one honest, often funny, often painful way that can look. Here, Wendell, speaking from Broadway UMC’s recovery community, talks openly about his journey with spiritual and emotional abuse, work and food addiction, pornography, alcohol and severe control issues.
He sets the tone with raw honesty and humour, joking that he "sings like a duck" yet shares how recovery has changed his music from ego-driven performance to simple joy: he now plays "because I'm happy" rather than to impress. The focus of this first of two sessions on codependency is a big question: **“How do I know if I’m codependent?”** Wendell’s first answer is blunt: "look in the mirror." From there, he breaks codependency down into everyday experiences.
Feeling like you’re never enough, constantly judging your day as a failure? Obsessing over what people think when you walk into or leave a room? That endless self-checking might be more than shyness; it might be codependency. He talks about hiding parts of yourself for safety, constantly sorting people into "safe" and "unsafe" lists, and keeping "several versions" of yourself "parked in the garage" to wheel out depending on who you’re with.
The exhausting part, he says, is living to protect yourself and to keep others happy rather than acting from love. The heart of his message hits hard: "The bottom line of codependency is, I will dehumanize you to make myself feel more human." From bullying to sugary-sweet manipulation, he argues it all springs from fear, not love. With frequent references to Jesus and grace, this talk speaks to anyone dealing with toxic relationships, shame, or people-pleasing.
If you’ve ever ended the day thinking, "It sucks to be me," this honest, faith-rooted look at codependency might be the mirror you’ve been avoiding. Are you ready to ask why you really do what you do?
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