Don't Try Harder...Try Different - with Community Manager MonicaDon't Try Harder...Try Different - with Community Manager Monica
Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!
Janet talks with community manager Monica about her 84 day ones, how community and mindset shifts helped her reach five years sober, and why trying different beats trying harder. Their chat highlights the power of connection, planning and self-compassion in building an alcohol-free life.
30:14•18 Apr 2026
Don’t Try Harder, Try Different: Monica’s 84 Day Ones to Five Years Sober
Episode Overview
- Repeated day ones and relapse can be used as learning experiences to understand triggers instead of being seen as total failure.
- Trying to quit alone often leads to loneliness and white-knuckling, while community and connection provide encouragement and practical ideas.
- Treating sobriety as a project – planning evenings, holidays and alternative drinks – makes early alcohol-free life more manageable.
- Mindset matters more than willpower; moving from feeling deprived to genuinely wanting to stop is key to long-term change.
- Staying connected, speaking up in groups and supporting others helps build confidence and makes lasting sobriety more likely.
“"Someone in the group said to me once, 'Don’t try harder, try different.'"”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? In this conversation, community manager Monica talks with host Janet Gorand about swapping years of "groundhog day" drinking for five years of sobriety, and why trying harder is far less useful than trying different. Monica shares how she spent her 20s aware that alcohol was a problem, trying to stop briefly, even going to AA and seeing psychiatrists, yet nothing really changed.
Becoming a mum pulled her into wine culture, where drinks in the park and “a glass to calm down” felt normal. Inside, though, she knew something was wrong and started asking what the next 40 years might look like if nothing shifted. Her first year with Tribe Sober was messy and very human. She laughs (and winces) at having “84 day ones” and describes stretches of three or four days, then double digits, then slipping back.
Each attempt taught her more about her triggers and showed her that relapse could be part of learning, not proof of failure. One member’s phrase really landed for her: "Don’t try harder, try different." Monica explains how community support, role models with months and years alcohol-free, and treating sobriety as a project helped things finally stick. She planned her evenings, holidays and drinks in advance, and over time moved from needing to stop to wanting to stop.
Now approaching her fifth soberversary, she talks about finding "peace", less chaos, better friendships and the mental bandwidth to make big changes, like moving to the UK. As community manager, she loves supporting newcomers, especially those battling shame and guilt, and sees how connection, honesty and showing up regularly make all the difference. If you’re tired of starting over on yet another “day one”, what might happen if you stopped going it alone and tried something different instead?
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