Dr. Ellen Hendriksen on Social AnxietyDr. Ellen Hendriksen on Social Anxiety
The One You Feed
Dr. Ellen Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist who helps millions calm their anxiety and be their authentic selves through her award-winning podcast, The Savvy Psychologist, and in the clinic at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. In this episode, she and Eric discuss her debut book is, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. If you suffer from social anxiety, you will learn a lot of practical tools to use to help you overcome it and suffer less. Need help with completing your goals in 2019? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year. But wait – there’s more! The episode is not quite over!! We continue the conversation and you can access this exclusive content right in your podcast player feed. Head over to our Patreon page and pledge to donate just $10 a month. It’s that simple and we’ll give you good stuff as a thank you! In This Interview, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen and I Discuss… Her book, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety The positive qualities that often accompany social anxiety in a person That the opposite of social anxiety is actually psychopathy The neuroscience of social anxiety How if you face your fears you can change your brain The problematic nature of avoidance when it comes to social anxiety Overt avoidance Covert avoidance Thinking that the worst case scenario is a foregone conclusion Avoidance means we never see what actually happens The inner critic The buckets that the Inner Critic likes to attack: Appearance, the Signs of Anxiety Themselves, Social Skills, One’s Entire Personality Social Anxiety Mad Libs: When I ______, it will become obvious that I _______ The tool, Replace Anxiety is vague – ask, what particular thing are you afraid of? 4 Magic Questions: What’s the worst that can happen? How bad is that? What are the odds that the worst case scenario will actually happen? How will I cope?/What will I do? The tool, Embrace The role of mindfulness in anxiety Making your inner world a kinder, more hospitable environment Self-compassion Creating structure in our social situations – giving yourself a mission to fulfill, a purpose, a goal Dr. Ellen Hendrisken Links: ellenhendriksen.com twitter Netsuite by Oracle – the business software that handles every aspect of your business in an easy to use cloud platform. Get Netsuite’s free guide, 7 Key Strategies to Grow Your Profits, by going to www.netsuite.com/wolf Phlur makes stunning, non-toxic perfumes, listing every ingredient and why it’s there www.phlur.com. Enter promo code WOLF to get 20% off your first custom sampler set. The Upper Room – a global ministry where you can join a worldwide community of Christian believers in daily prayer and devotional practice. Go to www.upperroom.org/welcome to get a free 30-day trial If you liked this episode, you might also enjoy these other episodes: Johann Hari Matthew Quick Eric Maisel See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
46:30•30 Apr 2019
Quieting the Inner Critic: Dr Ellen Hendriksen on Social Anxiety
Episode Overview
- Avoidance (skipping events or hiding in plain sight) temporarily reduces discomfort but strengthens the belief that you can’t handle social situations.
- Social anxiety often co-exists with strengths like empathy, conscientiousness and being a good listener, and these qualities remain as anxiety lessens.
- Using structured tools such as “social anxiety mad libs” and the three magic questions helps turn vague dread into specific, testable thoughts.
- Mindfulness and self-compassion create space between thoughts and actions, allowing you to respond to anxious thoughts instead of automatically obeying them.
- Giving yourself a clear role or mission at social events reduces uncertainty and can significantly improve how confident and capable you feel.
“Avoidance means well, but by protecting us from a situation, it inadvertently sends the message that we just can’t cope with it.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation between host Eric Zimmer and clinical psychologist Dr Ellen Hendriksen zooms in on social anxiety, that sticky mix of self-doubt, overthinking and “I’ll just talk to the cat instead” at parties. Aimed at anyone who feels awkward in social situations – including many in recovery who are rebuilding social lives without alcohol – the episode blends brain science, practical tools and gentle humour.
Dr Hendriksen starts by reframing social anxiety, arguing it’s “not all bad” because it often comes bundled with strengths like deep empathy, high standards and being a good listener. She even notes that the opposite of social anxiety isn’t confidence, but psychopathy – a reminder that some self-doubt keeps you human.
The conversation walks through what happens in the brain during anxious moments, why avoidance is so tempting, and how it quietly reinforces the idea that “we just can’t cope.” Using a memorable “beach ball” analogy, she explains how pushing anxiety down only makes it resurface with more force.
You’ll hear concrete tools drawn from cognitive behavioural therapy, including “social anxiety mad libs” to pin down specific fears, three “magic questions” to test worst-case scenarios, and the Replace–Embrace combo: replacing vague, catastrophic thoughts with clearer ones, and embracing them with mindfulness and self-compassion rather than harsh self-criticism.
Dr Hendriksen also shares simple, workable strategies for real-life situations: giving yourself a mission at a party, setting small social goals, or looking for someone who seems more uncomfortable than you and starting a conversation with them. If social situations have ever sent you back to the drink table for courage, this episode offers another path: skills, practice and a kinder inner voice.
What small, low-risk social step could you try next, without pouring anything stronger than a cup of tea?
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