Ep 177. What It Takes To Be A Sober Solo Mum, with Alisha BurnsEp 177. What It Takes To Be A Sober Solo Mum, with Alisha Burns
Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ash Butterss talks with solo mum by choice Alisha Burns about infertility, loss, mummy-wine culture and the moment that led her to an alcohol-free life. Alisha shares how she built a family and community on her own terms, without waiting for "Prince Charming".
56:40•31 May 2026
No Need for Prince Charming: Sobriety, Solo Motherhood and Rewriting the Script
Episode Overview
- Alcohol can quietly become a primary coping tool for infertility, grief and loneliness, especially when emotional support is lacking.
- Mummy-wine culture often normalises risky drinking, but for a solo parent the stakes are higher and safety has to come first.
- Becoming a solo mum by choice can be a deliberate, deeply considered path that avoids settling for unhealthy relationships.
- Clear boundaries around alcohol (such as choosing complete abstinence) can feel far more freeing than constant attempts at moderation.
- Strong peer support from other solo mums and donor-conceived families helps reduce isolation and normalises non-traditional family structures.
“"You don't have to follow the script to create a life that feels deeply aligned."”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? This candid conversation between host Ash Butterss and guest Alisha Burns gives a raw, honest look at the answer, especially for women who feel out of step with the "perfect life" script.
Alisha, founder of Solo Mum Society and host of her own podcast, shares how decades of chasing traditional milestones left her empty: marriage at 28, years of infertility treatment, a stillborn son, and a husband who left just two weeks later. She talks about the crushing loneliness of infertility, saying she was “completely lost” and often coped by going on alcohol-fuelled benders after each negative result.
The episode moves through her move from New Zealand to Australia, the "situationships" and casual hookups fuelled by booze, and the deep belief that her worth hinged on being chosen by a partner. Alcohol shows up as a constant companion, from teenage drinking to mummy-wine culture in Melbourne, where park catch-ups with other mums turned into rosé sessions followed by solo top-ups at home.
Everything shifts when she becomes a solo mum by choice using donor conception, and then has a stark moment lying drunk on the floor beside her toddler’s cot, terrified of what might happen if her daughter needed her and she couldn’t respond. The next morning she decides, "It's all or nothing and it's going to have to be nothing," and has been alcohol-free since.
Ash and Alisha chat about donor selection (yes, it’s basically “tinder for donors”), raising a child who proudly says she has “a donor, not a dad”, late ADHD diagnosis, and building a vibrant community of solo mums who refuse to settle or hide. The tone stays warm and often funny, while never glossing over grief, trauma or shame.
If you’ve ever questioned the script about love, motherhood and alcohol, this conversation might leave you wondering what kind of life you actually want to write for yourself.
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