Ep 234: How to Stop Caring What They Think About YouEp 234: How to Stop Caring What They Think About You
The Emotional Abuse Recovery Podcast
Allison K. Dagney talks about why it can feel impossible to stop caring what an ex or others think, even after emotional abuse has ended. She shares her own experience and offers practical questions to help shift the focus from their opinion to your self-belief.
18:50•15 Sept 2026
Stopping the Spiral of Caring What They Think About You
Episode Overview
- Question what you are making other people’s opinions mean about you instead of trying to stop caring by force.
- Recognise that worrying about what others think is often a way your brain tries to protect you from rejection.
- Accept that it is okay to be misunderstood and that someone’s perception is not automatically a fact about who you are.
- Identify what you would need to believe about yourself for others’ opinions to feel less threatening, then notice you likely don’t believe that yet.
- Understand that leaving an emotionally abusive relationship does not erase the beliefs formed within it, so deeper healing work is needed.
“There is an incredible amount of freedom in realising that you do not have to control what someone else thinks about you.”
What drives someone to seek a life where other people’s opinions stop running the show? This episode of The Emotional Abuse Recovery Podcast zooms in on that exhausting habit of worrying what everyone – especially an abusive ex – thinks of you. Allison K.
Dagney, a survivor of 20 years of emotional abuse and a Rapid Reprogramming™ Coach, talks frankly about why one text, one accusation or one lie can still shake you, even when you don’t want your ex back and know their judgement isn’t worth much. She lays out relatable examples: replaying arguments, fantasising about finally "explaining it perfectly", wanting the family or mutual friends to "know the truth", and feeling compelled to defend yourself at every turn.
Allison shares her own story of twisting herself "into a pretzel" to make her ex think she was "a good wife, a good mum, a good person, a good Christian" – and how that pattern meant she slowly lost herself. She calls out the hidden belief underneath all the worrying: "What am I making their opinion mean about me?" If someone thinks you’re awful, does that secretly confirm your fears about yourself?
You’ll hear practical questions to start shifting this: What would you need to believe about yourself for their opinion to stop feeling threatening? What if it was genuinely okay to be misunderstood? Allison points out that leaving an abusive relationship doesn’t magically wipe out the beliefs formed inside it, and that healing has to go deeper than just physical distance.
With clear, everyday language and gentle humour, the conversation keeps circling back to self-love, confidence and knowing yourself so well that someone else’s story about you never gets to decide who you are. If you’re tired of jumping through hoops to manage other people’s thoughts, this episode might spark some honest reflection: what would change if you cared more about what you think of you than what they do?
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