EP 400: Author and Counselor Jeff HaywardEP 400: Author and Counselor Jeff Hayward
Sobertown Podcast
Michael Charles talks with counsellor and author Jeff Hayward about addiction, mental health, and why simple, reality-based approaches can help people recover. The conversation highlights acceptance, connection, self-relationship, and practical strategies that keep recovery personal rather than one-size-fits-all.
46:31•30 Mar 2026
Simple Shit, Real Talk: Jeff Hayward on Recovery, Reality and Self-Respect
Episode Overview
- Acceptance is described as simply acknowledging reality, while avoidance is linked to ongoing suffering and reliance on substances.
- Alcohol and drugs are said to act as both the fire and the fire extinguisher, creating and briefly relieving the same pain.
- Recovery is framed as an individual process that still requires connection, vulnerability, and support from others.
- Building a healthy relationship with oneself—based on trust, honesty, compassion, and support—is presented as essential for long-term change.
- Treatment centres are portrayed as valuable because they remove daily stressors long enough for people to think clearly and make rational choices.
“Just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation between host Michael Charles and counsellor-author Jeff Hayward offers plenty for anyone curious about recovery, whether they're sober-curious, newly sober, or years into their journey. Jeff brings both professional expertise and his own history with substance use, and keeps things refreshingly straightforward.
He shares how he moved from daily despair to waking up actually looking forward to his day, and why he now sees his past “mistakes” as lessons. His core message? “Acceptance is acknowledging your reality,” and alcohol and drugs always distort that reality. The chat covers why simplicity matters in recovery.
Jeff points out how people instinctively try to add things when life feels overwhelming, instead of asking, “What can I take away?” He digs into values and beliefs, explaining how substances become both “the fire and the fire extinguisher” and why the real work starts when the substance is removed.
They talk about dopamine, motivation, and why addiction is less about feeling good once and more about the brain saying, “That felt good, let’s do it again.” Process addictions like porn or sex are included in this same frame. Treatment centres come up too, not as magic fixes, but as places that remove daily stressors long enough for the brain to reach rational decisions.
For anyone wrestling with resentment or self-blame, Jeff reframes the issue as betrayal—especially self-betrayal—and focuses on building a healthy relationship with oneself: honesty, trust, compassion, and support. His book, *Simple Shit for Complicated People*, continues this theme, aiming to keep psychology readable, grounded, and a bit cheeky. If you’re tired of overcomplicated jargon and want recovery talk that feels human, practical, and sometimes even funny, this chat might be exactly what you’ve been looking for.
What familiar things in your life might actually be unhealthy—and ready to go?
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