Ep122. Breaking the Invisible Chains: Roslyn Saunders on CodependencyEp122. Breaking the Invisible Chains: Roslyn Saunders on Codependency
The Truth About Addiction
Ron Isherwood talks with Roslyn Saunders about codependency as a lethal yet often unseen form of addiction, rooted in her childhood and adult relationships. Their conversation touches on family trauma, spirituality and practical recovery tools for those trapped in toxic patterns.
39:28•3 May 2026
Breaking the Invisible Chains of Codependency with Roslyn Saunders
Episode Overview
- Codependency can function like an addiction, with people becoming the "drug" and withdrawal from relationships feeling as intense as substance withdrawal.
- Family patterns of addiction and untreated trauma can pass through generations, affecting partners and children unless the root causes are addressed.
- Stopping alcohol or drugs is only part of the process; internal work on thinking, emotions and control is needed for genuine emotional sobriety.
- 12-step programs, Al-Anon and spiritual practices can provide structure, language and support for those dealing with codependency and addiction.
- Small, consistent actions – such as setting boundaries, being honest and doing "worthy things" – help rebuild self-worth and a more stable life.
“"My addiction is codependency... mine is people addiction and my codependency. And my main message is codependency kills. I call it the mother of all addictions."”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol, drugs, or even toxic relationships? This conversation between host Ron Isherwood and guest Roslyn Saunders shines a light on a form of addiction that often flies under the radar: codependency. Roslyn shares how she grew up in a small New Zealand town with two addicted parents – a father who died from alcoholism at 48 and a mother dependent on prescription medication.
From the outside, it looked like a perfect life in "the big house on top of the hill", but behind closed doors there was pain, cigarettes, gin, and a doctor who suggested her mum "sit down and have a gin" with her alcoholic husband. Roslyn explains that her addiction was never to substances: "My addiction is codependency...
mine is people addiction." She calls it "the mother of all addictions" and insists "codependency kills" because it sits underneath the alcohol, drugs, work, drama and control people use to numb their feelings. Her own story includes marrying an alcoholic at 20, four children growing up in dysfunction, repeated separations and reunions, and finally a rock-bottom moment where she was begging doctors to let her die.
The episode talks through how 12-step fellowships, Al-Anon, and Melody Beattie’s book *Codependent No More* gave Roslyn language for what she was living. From there, she slowly rebuilt her life, eventually becoming a codependency and addiction coach and author of *Recover from Codependency*.
Ron and Roslyn also stress the role of spirituality, daily habits, and "emotional sobriety", with Ron reminding people, "You don't have a drinking problem, you have a thinking problem." If you've ever stayed in a destructive relationship, felt obsessed with fixing someone else, or wondered why "just stopping" a substance never felt like enough, could this be the missing piece in your recovery puzzle?
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