Ep78 – ComYoukneekashon MistakesEp78 – ComYoukneekashon Mistakes
Untoxicated Podcast
Matt and Sheri talk through seven recurring communication mistakes that strained their alcoholic marriage and recovery. They share specific examples and explain how a simple weekly meeting has helped them handle anger, texting, trauma and trust in a healthier way.
1:09:37•15 Mar 2021
Seven Ways Matt and Sheri Kept Wrecking Their Talks (and the Weekly Habit That Finally Helped)
Episode Overview
- Anger in alcoholic relationships often masks deeper fear and disappointment for both partners.
- Texting, especially “hate texting”, is presented as a damaging way to address serious relationship issues.
- Throwaway comments and trying to talk while the other person is distracted can leave long-lasting emotional marks.
- Jumping straight into fixing a partner’s problem can make them feel small and unheard; simple empathy is often more helpful.
- A scheduled weekly meeting, treated like a non-negotiable appointment, is described as a highly effective tool for better communication.
“Romantic love, deep, meaningful romantic love and alcohol, they just can’t coexist.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation between Matt and Sheri Salis pulls back the curtain on something many couples in recovery quietly struggle with: how on earth to talk to each other. Matt kicks things off with a light story about coaching a footballer who “doesn’t speak a lick of English”, using it as a cheeky comparison to 23 years of marital miscommunication.
From there, they lay out the seven communication mistakes that tripped them up during Matt’s active alcoholism and beyond. You’ll hear them break down why anger was “just like a constant” when alcohol was around, and how they eventually realised that beneath the fury sat fear and disappointment on both sides.
Sheri shares how she grew up in a home where conflict meant pure rage and no resolution, while Matt admits, “Romantic love, deep, meaningful romantic love and alcohol, they just can’t coexist.” The pair take aim at “hate texting”, quick throwaway comments, trying to talk while the other is distracted, and that classic ‘fix-it’ reflex where one partner jumps straight to solutions instead of listening.
They also address deeper wounds: childhood neglect, attachment styles, and the long shadow of past blow-ups that makes honest conversation feel dangerous, even years into sobriety. Their biggest practical tip? A simple weekly meeting. Same time, same seriousness as a work appointment, but for their marriage.
At first Sheri hated the idea because she “didn’t like to communicate”, yet she now credits it with easing the constant tension and giving both of them a safe, predictable time to speak and be heard. If communication feels like the weak link in your recovery or relationship, which of these seven mistakes sounds most familiar, and what small change could you try this week?
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