Episode 170: When Your Inner Protector Holds You Back with Toni

Episode 170: When Your Inner Protector Holds You Back with Toni

Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey and emotional healing? This coaching-style conversation with Lilli Bewley and her guest Toni zooms in on the kind of inner tug-of-war many people know all too well: one part of you wants to grow and choose better relationships, while another part quietly panics and hits the brakes. Toni shares her struggle with dating after a history of narcissistic parents and painful relationships.

She’s done **a lot** of therapy and inner work, yet still finds herself in a situationship she doesn’t actually want. As she puts it, “I think I am worthy, but I don’t think that I’m worthy for the relationship that I’m looking for.” That one line pretty much captures the stuck place many people land in, especially when healing from trauma and addiction patterns.

Lilli gently guides Toni into “parts work”, meeting her three-year-old and seven-year-old inner children—the playful one and the bullied, hidden one—who learned that being seen was unsafe. There’s a powerful moment when Toni realises she’s been putting that inner child back into situations where she isn’t truly loved or chosen.

Through the session, she starts to shift from chasing love in a situationship to protecting that younger part of herself: “I feel like I owe it to her to protect her.” If you’ve ever gone back and forth with someone who can’t or won’t fully show up, this conversation may hit close to home.

You’ll hear how self-trust grows one small, uncomfortable decision at a time—like choosing not to text someone back as an act of love for your younger self, rather than as punishment. It’s gentle, honest work, with a few light touches of humour and deep humanity. So who’s really in charge inside you—the part that wants healing, or the part that’s scared? And what might happen if you started protecting your inner child the way you wish someone had protected you?